somone really needs to explain this to me

I've thought about this before, but never received a satisfactory explanation... Perhaps my evil crew of superior intellects (and that's you, dear readers) can help me out here... This came up yesterday at lunch with Eric, and he's on board with me, so he was no help hahaha

How is a career as a porn star any different than prostitution? Seriously, are they really that different? Let's look at the similarities:

Porn Stars: get paid to have sex
Prostitutes: get paid to have sex
Porn Stars: have a "manager" (basically a pimp getting her fuck-gigs)
Prostitutes: have a "pimp" (basically a manager getting her fuck-gigs)
Porn Stars: have co-stars they like to perform with
Prostitutes: have regular Johns they like to perform with ("like" may be too strong a word here)
Porn Stars: get tested regularly for STDs
Prostitutes: get tested regularly for STDs, at least in countries where it's legal and regulated

So I ask, how is porn different than prostitution? Why is porn legal and prostitution not? I'm not suggesting we criminalize pornography... Far from it, I'm an avid fan of the internet for a few reasons, and one of the top three is free internet porn.. And I'm not necessarily suggesting we decriminalize prostitution.. This isn't Europe after all; Americans are prudes.. I was just mulling this over and hoping one of you could offer a decent explanation..

So Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and no this isn't a rehash of my "I'm Thankful For" list... I'm just excited.. Gonna meet Eric's special lady friend, Kate's coming over at some point, the boys are cooking (we've got a fucking awesome menu to cook up), we're chilling at my place so we can be loud and rowdy on Thanksgiving.. Good times! We're making turkey, stuffing, cheesy mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, sweet potatoes and cranberry sauce.. Oh and rolls, cuz you have to have rolls on Thanksgiving.. I'm pretty sure some long-bearded Jew scribed it into a stone way back in the day, right after "Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbors Possessions." It's the 11th Commandment: "Thou Shalt Have Rolls on Thanksgiving".. And yes, I know the time line doesn't make any sense.. Moses was a time-traveler.. Didn't you know that? Silly geese.. Fucking Charlton Heston... Bet he got his share of prostitutes.. He was a gun-guy after all...

Well that's it.. Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I'll try to keep the blogs coming tomorrow and Friday as usual, but I'm not promising anything!

NEW DEVELOPMENT (thanks Eric!!):
http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/08/12/colb.pornography/index.html

Ok, check this article out about Prostitution vs. Porn... Hilarious... Some of my favorite excerpts (excerpts in italics, responses follow):

"Most distributors of pornography would express shock at the prospect of being prosecuted for promoting prostitution. Under Miller v. California, as long as a work, taken as a whole, has "serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value," the First Amendment protects its distribution. Given this legal principle, how could pornography be criminal, in the way that prostitution is?"

Really?? How is "Hot Tits and Black Cocks 9" considered serious literally, artistically, politically or scientifically valuable? Maybe that Pirates of the Caribbean spoof because that at least had some acting and production value..

What this means is that the people who have sex for the camera are actors, and acting -- unlike drug-dealing or prostitution -- is part of what falls within the protection of the First Amendment.

Are porn stars really considered actors? Seriously? What about the chick in the Slam Van? Boy, what a rough day she had.. Her life's struggles really show through, especially in that scene where the guy is smashing her face into the window while he's pounding her... C'mon.... Again, I may make a concession on higher quality productions, again like the Pirates movie, because they at least put forth some effort to weave a story, even if it is the most ridiculous thing ever.. Most porn though, let's face it, is about the Bang Bang, the spurt, and the credits..

It's almost certain that on its current precedents, the U.S. Supreme Court would hold that garden-variety pornographic actors are indeed engaged in First-Amendment-protected activity, so long as obscenity is not involved.

This is maybe my favorite part... "So long as obscenity is not involved." Ok, US Supreme Court justices, let's think about this one... IT'S A FUCKING PORNO!! OF COURSE THERE IS OBSCENITY!! Pull your fucking heads out of your asses.. Again, I'm all for porn, god knows I've looked at my fair share over the years, but I don't sit there and pretend it's not obsene.. Guys slapping their cocks on chicks's tits and spooging on their faces is obscene, I don't care how liberal you think you are.

Ok that's the end of this one. Have a happy Thanksgiving! hahahaha (what a strange way to end that discussion)

angrily shaking my fist at everyone i see

Yeah, it's another shitty day.. Oh well, it's a short week, I suppose I should just get over it and move on. Maybe I'll leave early today! Sweet...

So I'm fucked on Friday... I get to work for 4 hours the day after Thanksgiving! Wheee!!! How kick ass is that? Yeah, it isn't at all.. Oh, and the cherry on top: I have to be at work at 6am!! Hooray for me! Hooray for holidays! Fuck... I'm quickly growing tired of covering for people I work with, especially when I know they wouldn't do the same for me.. I don't know why I do it.. It's not some desire to impress my bosses, because I could give two shits what they think if I don't want to work on a holiday... It's not some self-motivation thing, because we ALL know I am not a very motivated person, especially lately when it comes to work.. It's not the pay, because I'm quite sure I'm not gonna get any more money for those 4 hours.. Maybe I'm a self-loathing masochist.. That's really the only logical explanation for my work habits.. Luckily, it only seems to be in my professional life, because I have pretty healthy relationships with friends and family.. I only let work torture me... So I guess that's something.. I should do something about that.. Maybe tomorrow..

Slept on the couch again last night.. I really wonder why I do that.. My bed is comfortable as hell, yet whenever I'm home alone, I tend to just sleep on the couch like I'm at a camp-out.. There's something comforting about it, yet something incredibly lonely about it.. Like some 50-year-old bachelor that passes out in an armchair watching infomercials every night because he has no one.. Fuck I hope I don't end up like that.. I guess I have a ways to go, and considering I'm only 28 (yes, Kate, I'm an old man, I know hahaha) I guess I shouldn't worry about it too much right now.. But fuck, if I end up like that, I'm gonna be pissed.. Gotta keep an eye on that situation...

Oh, on a lighter side note, I found quite possibly the greatest game ever last night:
http://www.bored.com/games/play/344/Hobo.html.

You really should check it out, it's funny as hell.. It's like Double Dragon (the old bad ass NES version, not those cheap knockoffs on SNES), but it's this nasty ass hobo that has the greatest special moves in the world... He poops, pukes, blows snot rockets, farts, and all other great bodily functions.. Truly classless, truly timeless.. So enjoy.. Maybe I'll play for a little bit to get my mind off of this pinnacle of shitty work days.. Yeah, I think I will..

big farts hurt my butt

I was gonna write something about the farts I'm experiencing this morning, but I'm willing to bet most of you would be grossed out by it.. Suffice to say they are quite pungent today.. Stayed up until 3 or 4am last night snacking on a bunch of crap and now I'm all torn up.. Dunno why I stayed up late, there was no good reason for it.. Just didn't feel like sleeping.. I should've, cuz I'm tired as hell now, but fuck it.. Hindsight is 20/20, right?

So Thanksgiving is right around the corner.. Anyone have any big plans? Thanksgiving is kick ass.. You can gorge yourself on some of the dankest food you'll eat all year and no one will think less of you.. Ahh, sweet sweet gluttony.. You know, there's always been this weird tradition (if you can even call it a tradition) that on Thanksgiving, women are supposed to cook and men are supposed to sit around watching football.. Now I'm not gonna get all Fem Nazi Women's Lib on you, cuz god knows I think they're an inferior species (hahah jk jk), but I say that's bullshit.. Guys, if you can cook, get off your ass and help out.. Or shit, cook the meal yourself.. Chicks dig guys that can cook, and learning your way around a cooking device that doesn't involve propane or charcoal isn't a bad idea.. It doesn't make you any less of a man to know how to use an oven.. And really, do you need to watch the Lions play on Thanksgiving? Spoiler alert: they're gonna fucking lose!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving (probably should hold off until at least Wednesday for this discussion, but oh well, I've gone too far), what are you all thankful for? Here's what I'm thankful for, in no particular order:

friends: the only real reason I'm still in Illinois
family: even though they piss me off on a regular basis, still gotta love 'em
Eric: for being the best friend a guy could ask for.. totally not gay for you bro
Dan: for being Dan.. and that's a great thing.. you're awesome dude, and I am totally gay for you.. I hate you?
Kate: what can I say, she's a super awesome chick.. though a bit argumentative hahaha jk (i'm not kidding) :)
boobs: seriously, who doesn't like them? even some straight chicks like playing with them
booze: mostly cuz it kinda rhymes with boobs, but also because it is a good thing, so screw you feminists of the 1920's!
bars: because they generally contain three things on my list: friends, boobs and booze.. though i've been to a few bars lately that have been a bit short on the boobs hahaha
work: as much as I bitch about it, I've got a pretty sweet job.. there's a compliment hidden somewhere in that last statement.. it's like Waldo, you just gotta look for it
Family Guy: ahh, the laughter...
Internet: porn, the Blog of Hilarity, myspace, google, videos of people getting punched in the nuts... all good things, all just a click away...
free shit: really anything that's free is good.. like samples when you're walking through a grocery store.. or the change bums hand you in their Styrofoam cups... oh, i'm supposed to GIVE them money, not TAKE it?? well wtf!! no wonder they get so pissed... well fuck them for using styrofoam cups.. carbon footprints indeed.. stupid jerks
Cyanide and Happiness: they make fun of Jesus, cancer, chi-mos.. everything about this is great

Ok guess it's time to go back to work.. *sigh* i'm sleepy.. 2-3 hours of sleep last night... fuck

pre-lunch quickie (sexual innuendos implied)

Man, what a busy day. Gonna have to make this quicker than a sexual encounter at a seedy motel between a married man and his mistress... ANYWAY...

Finally got some rest last night, which was great cuz I've been borderline burned out for weeks.. Not that I mind, really... I mean I've spent the last month hanging out with the best friends a guy could ask for pretty much every day. It just gets tiring cuz I don't sleep much, I'm usually drinking, so on and so forth.. But I'm all rested up, ready for what should be an interesting weekend.. Good thing I got a Sunday cure!

I still need to get a new freaking winter coat.. It's cold as shit outside.. My room is always 80 degrees colder than the rest of my apartment, which is weird.. The worst part of it is when I wake up the morning.. I'm all cozy and warm in bed, and I can just tell the rest of the room is like a freezer box.. Very demotivating, especially since I hate getting out of bed already..

Oh and I wanna say thanks to all of you that suffer through this blog on a daily basis.. I feel like such a hack, but I've gotten some awesome feedback from some of you, so thanks a bunch. I'm trying to keep my brain limber, and this has been a nice, convenient way to do that.. Maybe I'll start doing some Sudokus, but at least you can get a glimpse into the crazy mind of Chris with these blogs.. Sometimes scary, sometimes sad, hopefully funny, rarely thought-provoking..

Well that's all I got today.. Gotta get back to work (yes, I'm actually busting my ass today, and yesterday for that matter, so that's why these went up so late in the day).. Have a good weekend to everyone I don't talk to on a regular basis.. As for the rest of you, look out! hahaha

growing old, getting tired

Jesus, getting old sucks.. Granted, at the pace I've been going the past couple months, I think it would've kicked my ass back in college... But now, fuck.. I feel like a geriatric that's up past 7pm on Bingo Night.. Soon I'll be wearing Depends so when I shit myself, it doesn't ruin my pleated slacks that I wear around the house.. God damn getting old sucks.. You know, I take back that whole college comment.. There was a time when I could stay up all night, go to class in the morning, sleep for maybe an hour or two, and repeat... Granted, if I did that a few days in a row, I'd be hallucinating from sleep deprivation, but man would I be partying my ass off..

Now don't get me wrong.. I'm not afraid of getting old... I'm probably not gonna care much when I turn 30.. Everyone makes a huge deal out of it, which I've never understood.. Don't you hate those people that, on your birthday, they ask "do you feel any older?" Yeah, I feel a day older than I did yesterday.. Dumb asses.. My mom asks me that every year.. You'd think she'd, you know, stop asking that since I give her the same answer every year, but she doesn't.. I know she means well and she's just being motherly, so I guess I could not be a dick and just humor her.. Ah well, maybe someday..

You know what's funny? Bartenders... They've gotta be the most outwardly nice, but inwardly evil people I've ever met.. Think about it.. And this is from a guy's perspective, so keep that in mind.. So a couple guys stroll into a bar, and the bartender is some young chick that is decent looking or whatever.. She could be hot.. She's definitely not ugly though.. So when these guys belly up and get her attention, out comes the bright smile and the flirtatious disposition (hence, the outwardly nice part).. So these guys start flirting back, as guys often do, right? Am I right? Of course I am.. You all know it's true, and if you don't, you need to get out more.. Now, this hypothetical bartender chick is flirting up a storm, maybe with one of the guys in particular, maybe with the whole group if she's a slut-tease.. Hmm, does slut-tease even make sense? Fuck it, you know what I mean.. But in the back of her mind, you know that 99% of the time, she's thinking, "God, get a load of these douche bags.." Think about it.. This chick sees hundreds of dudes every day, probably 75-80% of which hit on her, of which maybe .00001% she'd ever consider dating.. And if you don't believe those numbers, I have scientific evidence to support it.. No, I really don't, but it's all hypothetical so just go with it..

I think that's what happened to me last night.. Went out to a bar with a couple buddies, and one of them was flirting with this bartender.. She played along, blah blah blah (outwardly nice, remember?).. But I think she was secretly thinking "what a douche".. And here's why... Me and Eric are drinking scotch all night long.. This other guy, the guy in question, was drinking beers.. The guy in question asks her to serve us up some shots and, being a man's man, asks her for whatever she wants to serve us up (NOTE: NEVER fucking do this, and here's why).. She gives us Tiger Eyes.. Think of Red Hots (the cinnamon candy) with hard alcohol.. Yeah, made me almost hurl too..

So, to leave you with some pearls of wisdom (god knows this blog could use some):

1) Never ask a bartender for a "shot"... Be specific..
2) The hot bartender isn't flirting with you because she wants your cock. She's flirting because she wants your money.. At least 99.999999% of the time.
3) When in Rome...

JOKE OF THE DAY:
A white guy, a jap and a black guy walk into a restaurant. They were very well behaved, paid their bill and left peacefully.

Funny shit, huh? hahaha

La La Land

An interesting conversation got brought up last night, so I figured I'd share.. I was asked what celebrities I've met/ran into/fantasized about.. Ok, so I made that last part up, but I was asked which ones I find hot, which to a guy is the equivalent of fantasizing about... Seriously, what guy is like, "man, she's hot.. I'd like to take her out to dinner." No, it's usually, "man, she's hot.. I'd like to take out back and show her a few things.. Namely my genitals..." Sorry, ladies, but that's how it is.. Don't worry, just because you're not a celebrity doesn't mean I don't want to show you my genitals..

So we'll start with celebs I've met.. It's the shortest list.. I once met Danny Glover at the Wolfgang Puck restaurant at LAX. That was a weird one.. I was taking a late ass flight back to Chicago, so it was like 11pm when I got to the airport. I was cruising through security and bag checks and all that TSA bullshit pretty quickly, so I had time to grab a bite to eat.. Wolfgang was the only place open so, even though I hate that guy, I figured what the hell.. Surely the profits from my beer and sandwich are not going directly to Mr. Puck's pocket.. What kind of last name is Puck anyway? Wasn't Puck the name of that douche bag in one of the first Real Worlds? The guy that raced soap box cars and blew snot rockets... Wonder what he's up to now... Anyway, so I'm sitting there eating my sandwich, drinking my beer and watching something on late night ESPN (World Series of Poker undoubtedly) when in walks this guy... He sits a couple seats down from me and orders up a drink and a salad.. At this point, I wasn't paying much attention to him.. It was LAX, late as hell and he was some random black guy.. That spells trouble in most books..

So I'm sitting there, minding my business, and this guy's salad comes out.. I kid you not he ate his salad like a fucking giraffe.. He would shove as much salad as he could fit into his mouth and then some.. You know how giraffes always have branches hanging out of their faces while they chew like a cow? Yeah, that's how this guy was eating.. So I kinda look over at him, admiring his giraffe-like qualities, when I realize who he is, and I utter, "holy shit." At this point, he looks over at me, partially chewed lettuce hanging out of his face, and gives me this inquisitive look.. "You're Danny Glover," I say, managing to point out the painfully obvious like I usually do.. "Um-hmm" he mutters, still chewing his most recent bite of salad.. I immediately apologize for disrupting him, 'cause I figure if I'm a celebrity, especially someone with the notoriety of Danny Glover, I'd wanna be left the hell alone if I'm at LAX at 11pm on a fucking Tuesday.. Turns out he's a pretty nice guy.. We chatted about some bullshit (what I do, why am I in LA, why am I hassling him, why am I looking at him with dreamy eyes, etc.) then I realize that this is just weird, so I finish up my beer, bid him adieu, and head to my gate.. So that's my Danny Glover story.. I wish he had pooped himself or something, but no, I think his boxers remained streak-free that night.. Too bad..

I also met Nomar Garciaparra briefly after a game.. He was a pretty cool guy.. Gave him some tips on his batting slump which he didn't seem to appreciate (or heed; he was in that slump for the rest of his time with the Cubs), but otherwise was pretty gracious..

As for celebrities I've run into... The same night as Danny Glover, I ran into Fabio (that guy with the hair) and Bruce Vilanch, the fat guy with the Jew fro that thinks he's funny... He's not.. I ran into Mel Gibson (fucking Patriots!) in Chicago while he was filming Payback (I think it was Payback.. can't be sure... does it matter? it's a fucking anecdote.. get over it).. He's amazingly short, and he smokes like a guy that hates Jewish people... Too soon? hahaha Oh and Chris Carpenter, of St. Louis Cardinals' fame... He pitched a complete game against us and I ran into him by the player's parking lot after the game.. Gave him a hearty "good game" before he got into his limo.. Anticlimactic, I know...

Ok, now the fun part.. Celebrities I fantasize about.. I mean celebs I think are hot.. I've always had a thing for Elisabeth Shue.. I think it was Adventures in Babysitting that did it for me.. Ever since then I've been hooked.. She went through this weird Meg-Ryan-Plastic-Face phase, but she's bounced back nicely.. Rachel McAdams, pretty hot... Elisha Cuthbert, need I say more? Jessica Biel in Texas Chainsaw Massacre (not Jessica Biel in Stealth, that movie makes me wanna club baby seals)... Salma Hayek pre-Ed Norton, so around Desperado or From Dusk Til Dawn.. Wowzers!

I'm sure there's plenty of other celebrities I'm not thinking of, but I figured this would make a nice jumping point for discussion.. So, if you've ever met a celebrity, run into one, or just think one is particularly hot and you'd like the rest of us to know who you regularly masturbate to, feel free to share!

bleeding out

I was gonna bitch about my school some more today, but I just realized even I'm getting tired of hearing about it.. There's such a huge part of me that wants to just drop this whole thing, and another part of me that thinks that maybe, just maybe, this might be worthwhile and will help me in the long run. But that latter part of me is dying a little more every day, especially when I have to deal with the bureaucracy of the college's administration.. These fucking people basically just bend you over the rail and rape you for as much money as they can.. They can't even reasonably explain why you need to take certain courses, they just say "oh well it's a prerequisite..." Granted, I understand that not everyone can grasp the inner-workings of the educational experience, but god damn it, when you're asking me to shell out a shit ton of money for a class that I shouldn't logically have to take, you better have a fucking good reason..

Ok that's enough about school.. I'm so sick of it, I want to punch myself in the face.. So winter's right around the corner.. Despite how much I loathe the cold, I gotta say, I really love it when it snows.. There's something very peaceful, almost magical, about a nice snow fall.. I could seriously sit out on my balcony for hours just watching it.. And seriously, if it's gonna be cold out, it might as well be snowing.. Otherwise, what's the point? Yay! Let's all freeze our asses off and not enjoy the outdoors AT ALL for the next 6 months! No thank you..

Oh, so have you heard about Obama? Yeah apparently he's the antichrist.. Cool, huh? 'Bout time god stepped in and put an end to this horribly failed experiment called humanity.. I guess one link is that one of the Illinois' winning lotto numbers was 666... Uh-oh.. We all know that the lotto numbers have a distinct correlation to the end of existence.. I really hate people like that, these conspiracy nuts that look for any excuse to claim the world is going to end.. There is one guy that spends all of his time gathering news clips from current events and trying to support the Book of Revelations' prophecies for the end of the world.. Get a fucking life dude! How is this helping society or humanity at all? You know, we don't need an Antichrist, the devil or the wrath of god to destroy the world; humans are quite capable of it themselves. We are practically bathing in narcissism.. Very few people out there give a shit about anyone but themselves, and it's destroying society.. And then you get these conspiracy nuts who feast on the mobs' fears, exploiting their weaknesses like a fucking cult leader.

It must be pretty easy, though, controlling a mob like that.. I mean the general public is pretty easily influenced by grandiose speech.. Just look at what Hitler was able to do during WWII.. He actually convinced an entire nation (and beyond) that their plight was directly related to one group of people, a group of people connected not by profession, not by social status, but by religion. Religion.. If god does exist, he's gotta be getting tired of all the shit humanity does in his name... The Crusades.. The Inquisition.. Joel Osteen.. Televangelism.. The KKK... Neo-Nazis... It's disgusting.. Most religions are pretty similar in their overall messages of tolerance and acceptance of your fellow man, yet at the same time they sit there and encourage their followers to judge their neighbors.. Unfortunately, we are so far away from the roots of the major religions that I doubt we can ever make it back.. The teachings of the major prophets are lost in the bureaucracies of modern life.

Ok this is too much for me to deal with this morning.. I had half a mind to delete all of this and just not post anything today, but oh well, here you go. Hope you enjoyed it.

i got nothing

I got nothing for you today. Seriously.. I'm so fucking tired right now.. My old roomy Phil was around all last week, which was sweet, cuz that kid is a bad ass. But I pretty much spent all week drinking boxed wine and doing various things around the house, including making some more videos (yeah, Eric, I know I still gotta get them up).

I went bowling for 5 hours on Saturday.. Actually, funny story.. Phil and I are meeting up with Eric to go bowling, and we end up at this fucking dive shit hole bowling alley somewhere in Arlington Heights.. I'm pretty sure that the few windows this place had were protected by bars, and I bet the guy behind the counter had a shotgun.. It kinda reminded me of the bowling alley that Woody Harrelson loses his hand in from Kingpin. Oh well, I digress. So we (me, Phil, Eric and Eric's 2 kids) walk into this place, and we're immediately propositioned by some charitable tutoring program chick.. She says to us, "do you wanna shoot a ball into my bucket?" I mean c'mon, she left herself wide open for any number of dirty comments that could've followed... Turned out she was talking about an actual ball (rather than any of our testes) that we were supposed to toss into an actual bucket (rather than a playful euphemism for her vagina) so we could win a pack of Smarties and listen to her bullshit about some stupid tutoring program that didn't apply to any of us.. I still say she purposefully said that just to get our attention.. Talk about aggressive selling, jesus.. Might as well have offered to blow one of us if we'd sign her sheet.. I wish I had that devotion to my job.. Not that I want to go around blowing people to get business, but I think that shows a very strong enthusiasm for either A) your career choice, or B) the company you work for. Though I guess if you are blowing people BECAUSE it's your business, then it's different.. I wonder if hookers ever get really enthusiastic about their line of work and actually enjoy blowing strange dudes and/or trannies.. I mean, shit, wouldn't you kinda have to be? To stick a strange dick in your mouth? Or do they just block it out like Macaulay Culkin when he visits Michael Jackson for the weekend? Hmm..

But anyway we ended up bowling at some Brunswick over by the track for like 4 or 5 hours.. It's pretty hilarious watching a 3 year old bowl for the first time.. He was so damn hard on himself though.. He'd miss a 7-10 split and be like "DAMN IT!" It was classic shit.

What is up with bowling alley food? Why is everything deep-fried-death? Oh, except the pizza, though I'm sure they deep fry that for good measure.. I swear to god my gut is just destroyed from all that crap, and I ate all that on Saturday.. I'm not suggesting they serve up tapas or fondue, 'cause I think that people who frequent bowling alleys are the wrong demographic, but I think we could find a happy middle ground.. I'm not going to say it wasn't kinda tasty (except the fries that tasted like deep-fried cardboard rolled in some bowler's sweaty cobra), but let's get a little variety going here people!

Oh and I'm officially sticking to beers at bowling alleys.. Apparently if I throw a cocktail order to a bowling alley bartender, a rift forms in the cosmos and creates the purest form of chaos imaginable.. It took about 20 minutes to get 2 White Russians and a Miller Lite.. I mean c'mon.. She spent 10 minutes of that time looking for cream, and after 10 minutes of searching, the best thing she could come up with is French Vanilla creamer from International Delight, and I'm not entirely sure that it was within the expiration date. It was sick, that's really the only point here.. Though the glass of Dewar's later was a nice recovery from it.. Maybe that should be the rule of thumb when ordering drinks at a bowling alley: stick to beer or a single-ingredient-cocktail.. I think even a Capt's and Coke may have blown her mind..

Speaking of blowing people's minds, I just saw the new Bond movie last night.. "Holy freaking shit" and "wow" are the best words I can come up with to describe it.. I was exhausted just watching Daniel Craig mangle the bad guys, and he did his fair share of mangling early in the movie. Within the first, oh, 20-30 minutes, he was in a car chase, a boat chase and a plane chase.. I mean a plane chase, for god's sake.. Who gets into plane chases unless you're, I dunno, Maverick and Goose? Crazy crazy shit. The story line is pretty sweet too, 'cept the googly-eyed-main-bad-guy.. I didn't buy him as a bad ass, and he fought toe-to-toe with Bond for a while.. Well I won't say anymore for fear of spoiling anything.. It's good, go see it.. Even if you don't like the older Bond movies (Pierce Brosnan and prior), the new ones with Craig are more like the Bourne trilogy anyway: more drama, less cheesiness, and more bad-assery.. Yeah, bad-assery.. Chew on that.

quickie

I've actually got work to do today, but since I'm on a roll with these blogs lately, I wanna keep it going.. So here's a fast one for ya..

AC/DC is fucking ridiculously awesome.. I highly recommend blaring it on the way to work at 7:00am.. I doubt anything could get you this pumped up for the day.. It's like a Black Eye (Starbuck's, not a punch) for your ears.. Or someone punching you square in the nuts repeatedly.. If that doesn't wake you up, I don't know what will.. TNT! I'm dynamite! TNT! And I'll win the fight! C'mon, you got pumped just reading that, admit it..

I'm back to my roots again.. After a long hiatus listening to almost exclusively punk rock and emo shit, I'm back to classic rock.. Believe me, I still enjoy thrashing to Larry Arms or Alkaline Trio, even got into Rise Against recently, but nothing compares to some classic Floyd, Zep, or Jimi for me.. Well Wolfmother, maybe, but they're pretty much neo-classic rockers, so they don't really count.. But they haven't put an album out in like 3 years, so I'm starting to get a little pissed about Wolfmother.. Everything they do is based off of their one 12-track album.. Time to move forward, gentlemen..

Man, I just realized this blog is hardly worth posting.. Did I say anything even remotely worthwhile? One sec, gonna reread some of it...... Nope... nothing.. Weak..

Eric, you're right.. Danny Tanner was much better on AFV, but that's only because Danny Tanner's alter ego, Bob Sagat, is a filthy comedian.. Ever see the Aristocrats? His scene is the best.. He actually talks about arm-fucking a little girl's throat.. Never heard anything like it.. I think hearing that alone is grounds for going straight to hell.. Oh well, I've said enough ridiculous shit in my life... From the Catholic perspective, I'm already fucked for eternity.. Unless I get my last rites on my death bed, then I'm a shoe-in to heaven.. Loop holes, gotta love them. God is a sucker..

Oh, and for everyone that just got all bent out of shape about that, relax.. Learn to take a joke.. And don't listen to our parody songs, one is about how Jesus is a deadbeat.. Which reminds me of one of Brendan Kelly's recent blogs, where he says Jesus is basically a long-haired douche living in the shadow of his all-powerful father.. He compared it to some guy in the news, I can't remember who.. But whatever, the point is I think I need to hang out with BK.. That guy is ridiculous.. Eric and I have a theory that BK is tapping into our conversations.. Seriously, we'll have a conversation about the most random shit (like Jesus being a deadbeat) and like 2 days later it's on BK's blog.. Coincidence, or conspiracy? You decide..

Thought for the day: Some people are like slinkies... Not really good for anything, but can be lots of fun when pushed down the stairs.

when good pets go bad

Last night I got roped into watching America's Funniest Home Videos, which has fueled me with a nearly endless array of tirades I could go into.. I mean, this show has everything: guys racking themselves on playground equipment, fat women falling out of boats, lions pissing on people, psychotic pets.. I mean EVERYTHING.. And yet somehow, this show still makes me cringe.. And I think I've finally figured out why... Tom-Fucking-Bergeron..

This guy is a super douche.. His mindless asinine commentary on the mindless asinine collection of videos makes me want to slit my wrists while swan diving from the top floor of a really tall building.. Granted, swan diving and slitting your wrists at the same time would be impossible, considering the stretched out form it takes to nail a proper swan dive, but you know what I mean. But Tom Bergeron is such a douche, it almost seems worthwhile to try the wrist-slitting-swan-dive.. At least I won't have to listen to him say stupid shit anymore.

And how the fuck did this guy win a Daytime Emmy? Actually, he was a co-winner with Bob Barker... REALLY? You've got to be fucking kidding me. Bob Barker is a legend, a god among mere mortals, a shining beacon of hope amongst the trash that is the majority of daytime television. The Price is Right has kept me entertained for many a morning, especially back in college when most of my classes were later in the day.. I used to watch a lot of The Price is Right.. And on days I was sick, it was like chicken soup.. That dirty old man just made me smile.. Especially when he was hitting on the young hot contestants.. And getting angry at the old ones that couldn't spin the wheel.. Fucking Bob Barker is awesome.. It is tragic that Barker had to share his Daytime Emmy award with that fucking waste of time, space and air named Tom Fucking Bergeron. God I hate that guy..

And don't tell me it's the writers of AFV.. Fuck that, Bergeron was a douche on Hollywood Squares (a bigger douche than Whoopi Goldberg, and she fucked Ted Danson, so there's your point of reference for the day) and he's a douche on Dancing With The Stars.. He was a douche on Fox After Breakfast, or whatever lame news show it was he hosted.. He's always been a douche, and he'll always be a douche.. Perhaps the writers of these shows need to be shot too, but I'm willing to bet that with a better host, some of the material could actually be slightly funny.. Never hahaha funny, more of I-don't-want-to-kill-myself-or-break-the-TV funny.. Which isn't very funny, but it's better than the alternatives...

There was one other thing I noticed about the show last night that I think I've always subconsciously realized, but just never could put my finger on it.. Does anyone else realize that on most of the videos on AFV, the people that are filming must be complete assholes? I mean really.. Put the fucking camera down and go help someone.. For example, one video last night depicted a toddler, standing in a toilet, flushing the toilet... Awww how cute... NO!! Be a responsible adult, put the fucking camera down, and fish your child out of the porcelain bowl YOU SHIT IN!! WHAT THE FUCK!?! I'm sorry, but this just reinforces my belief that this country is full of fucking retards that haven't got the first clue when it comes to basic decency and social responsibility. And here we are, applauding them and laughing at their silly baby in a toilet.. How about I throw that baby in a dumpster? Is that funny? To see a kid writhing in garbage? Oops, now I'm the bad guy.. (on a side note, dumpster babies can be entertaining fodder.. check out the DB episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia if you don't believe me)..

On a positive note, I did see two of the smartest dogs in the world on this god-forsaken program.. One was a border collie that sat by his owner while dude threw about a dozen frisbees.. Then, on command, the collie ran out and collected all of the frisbees in one trip.. It doesn't sound as impressive as it was watching it.. Youtube it, I'm sure you'll find something similar.. God bless the internet.. Oh, and the second dog was some kinda terrier I think, but the guy threw the dog's bone into a pool, the bone sank, and the dog jumped in, swam to the bottom and retrieved it.. Again, doesn't sound as cool when I'm relaying through words, but whatever, I liked it and thought I'd share.

feeling a little nostalgic today

So as most of you know, I'm back in school. For those of you that didn't know, now you're caught up. That's really all there is to say about it. I'm back in school and I fucking hate it. Which sucks because I used to really like going to school and learning shit. But turns out education is a business like any other, and they will try to fuck you every chance they get. I'm basically stuck at this point in my MBA program because I have to take some stupid math class. It's high school level algebra and geometry basically, and yet somehow the years of math I've taken don't count. Oh, and there's no way to test out of it. I feel like I'm being raped by a hooker and still have to pay. Not fair.

Could you imagine that? Getting raped by a hooker and being expected to still pay for it? Mmmm that's good capitalism.. Then her pimp beats your ass for not paying.. Though I suppose if you were in a situation that you were getting raped by a hooker and beaten by a pimp, you'd also have access to drugs, and could probably easily distract them by throwing, say, a bag of coke into the corner of the room to distract them and then make a break for it. It's like a dog that won't leave you alone, just toss a frisbee and they'll go away, at least for a few seconds, which would be enough time for you to get yourself out of a sticky situation.. Urban survival tips, take note. Hmm, maybe I should start a series of these:

Tip 1: If you are ever accosted by a hooker and her pimp, be sure to have drugs on you, preferably a good prostitution drug like coke or heroin. Throw said drug behind them, and when they both scramble for it, make your escape.

Tip 2: If you are ever stranded in an urban or suburban environment without water, go to a convenience store and buy some.

Tip 3: Never EVER give a homeless guy a smoke. They're kinda like the begging kids in Tijuana.. you even make eye contact with one of them and suddenly you'll be surrounded by dozens, all with one hand out asking for money, the other hand in your pockets taking your money... or in the case of homeless guys, your smokes..

Oh yeah Tijuana, what a fucking hilarious place. My brother used to be stationed at the naval base in San Diego (Coronado Island) which is like 20 minutes north of the border. So one time, while I'm out there visiting him, we decide to cruise down to Tijuana and see what's going on. On our way down there, they have signs on the side of the road that warn you of immigrant families crossing the street... Now keep in mind these are on the sides of MAJOR HIGHWAYS.. Check it out if you don't believe me: (http://www.rogerwendell.com/images/mexico/immigrant_crossing_san_diego_03-18-2004.jpg)... Hilarious, huh?

Anyway, we park about a 1/2 mile from the border and walk into Mexico. The "border" is marked by a river of shit that flows under the crossing bridge. I kid you not. There is seriously a Shit River (aka Tijuana River) that you have to walk over in order to get into Shit City (aka Tijuana). It's pretty gross, but it especially sucks in the middle of August in Mexico. Blazing hot sun just evaporating the water and turning the whole thing into a pasty lump of excrement. And river may be too strong a word. That would lead people to believe that this stuff moves quickly. It doesn't; it stagnates and oozes its way to the ocean. Maybe a Shit Creek? Or a Shit Tributary? I dunno, but you get the idea..

So we cross the shit river and get we're in Mexico. One thing I found out about Tijuana is that it's SOOO shitty, people from there don't say they're from there, they say they're from Mexico. Anyway, we're walking down this side street (dangerous idea by the way, I don't recommend it) and we found a donkey show.. Yup, a chick fucking a donkey.. Sorry to say I did not go in, so I don't have an awesome story about a chick fucking a donkey, and frankly I'm ok with that.. I think it would've scarred me for life.. But yeah, if you're into that kinda thing, go to Tijuana, head down a side street, and you'll find a chick fucking a donkey. I think they may have horse shows too, but that's neither here nor there. After watching Jackass 2 the other day, and seeing the size of that horse's dick, I have absolutely no capacity for understanding exactly what possesses someone to see one of those things and think to themselves "man, i'd like to fuck that horse".. Looks really painful.. It would be like shoving Lou Ferrigno up your ass. Maybe with some lube.. Nah, it would probably still hurt a lot... Which reminds me of that South Park where Paris Hilton and Mister Slave have a Whore-Off... Paris shoves a pineapple up her ninja slipper, and Mister Slave shoves Paris Hilton up his ass.. Good end to her story. Fucking stupid slut.. Absolutely nothing to contribute to society. Oh, she has a new show, "My New BFF." Will someone please kill me now so I don't have to hear about it anymore?

Sorry, got off track there.. Back to Mexico.. We ended up at some "classy" bar in Tijuana off the main street. Their idea of classy is our idea of shit hole. Think of some shitty Mexican bar in, oh I don't know, Mundelein, take it down a few more notches, and that's where we were.. So we're enjoying our quesadillas (quick side note, you can eat food in Mexico, just don't eat anything that hasn't been cooked and you'll be fine.. Avoid lettuce at all costs) when the waiter comes around with a bottle of tequila.. So, we start pounding down shots of tequila and a few beers. Sometime around shot 4 or 5 I realize with horror that I haven't gone to the bathroom all day. I ate Jack in the Box on the way down, I just ate quesadillas in some random bar in Tijuana, and now I'm pounding shots and beers.. I head to the bathroom, and that's when my horrific moment of foresight came true.. There's a tile trough for a toilet, and i swear to god someone had diarrhea and, mid-way through dropping trou and spinning around to get his ass over the seat, just let it fly... There was shit EVERYWHERE... Walls, floors doors, the little divider that makes up the stall.. There was shit on the ceiling, in the trough, near the sink.. All over.. Lots of shit.. So I didn't use that bathroom. Cause it seemed unsanitary..

And that's pretty much the story of one of my trips to Tijuana. Lots of poop and nearly seeing chicks getting fucked by donkeys. Yeah, I don't think I want to go back there. Oh, on a pretty cool note, there was a shooting there a week later. The main drag (Independence Blvd. if I remember right) is where you really need to stay if you go to Tijuana. If you go off that path, god help you. But there's tons of shops and restaurants, cheap booze, cheap prescription drugs (I should've gotten some Viagra haha).. But it's pretty much just like an Arabian market.. People every where and vendors trying to pawn their wares on the unsuspecting white folk.. So apparently the governor or mayor of the region was driving in a motorcade down Independence when a bunch of militant guys come out and shoot the whole thing to hell. Ever see Clear and Present Danger? That's what I pictured happening. So yeah, I almost got shot... At least that's the spin I put on it to make it more relevant to my life.. 'Cuz it has absolutely no relevance to anything, except maybe the citizens of Tijuana, oops, I mean Mexico...

And if you do ever find yourself in Tijuana, here's a money saving tip for ya.. As you peruse all the shit these guys are selling, and you see something you might actually want, make sure you make eye contact with the vendor while you're checking it out, then put it down and start walking away. The price will drop by 1/2 before you get 3 steps. I was checking out one of those kick ass Mexican blankets that I love so much, and the proprietor of the establishment saw me. I wasn't super interested in it, but I guess I showed enough enthusiasm because as I start walking away, the owner comes running up behind me, shouting "$15!! $10!! $5!!" So, these blankets were marked as $20 each, and I ended up getting 2 for like $10.. So there you have it, frugal ones...

dear diary

I realized last night that a lot of my blogs are about shit I'm doing, and shortly thereafter realized that they can't possibly be interesting.. I mean, I don't really do anything... I'm not famous, I'm not a rock and roller (yet), I don't have kids, I don't have AIDS, I'm not black, I don't do cool high dives from 60 feet above the earth into a soup can, I've never milked a cow, and I don't like hockey.. So today, I'm gonna ramble almost aimlessly but with enough direction to NOT divulge what I did last night... Though I did partake in a box of wine, and it was delicious.. Ok, enough of that... If it was a box of Kool-Aid and some wings, then I'd have something, but it wasn't, so I don't.

Black Obama jokes are hilarious.. Really any black jokes are funny. And before you all get up in arms that I'm some sort of racist, back off... I make fun of anything and everything, including myself and my white friends, which I think absolves me from anything derogatory I say about other races... You want equality? Then I get to make fun of everyone equally... Fair's fair bitches... Anyway, yeah black jokes are hilarious.. My old roommate Phil came over last night (this actually is worth mentioning) and was just on fire with the black jokes... Hilarious shit.. They mostly revolved around grape soda, wings, shiny spinning rims, stereo systems that are worth more than the cars they are in, and getting eye-balled at 7-11 as though you might steal something... Good stuff..

You know what black people are on to, though? 40's... I'm not kidding... Except the whole malt liquor thing, 40's are fucking awesome... Though white people tend to refer to them as "tall boys," unless of course you're one of those white people that think they're black.. You know the kind.. Pants around the knees, long white t-shirt that looks like it could cover a twin mattress, a Fubu hat cocked sideways over a white doo-rag... What a douche.. I mean really, you're white... Why would you purposefully want to downgrade? But I digress... Next time you're in the market for booze, try a tall boy.. Or two.. They will treat you right I promise.. And if worse comes to worst, you'll have a giant bottle you can jam up your butt if you're into that kinda thing.. Have a phone handy.. You may be calling 911 before long..

Back to the whole race-being-funny thing, why aren't there good derogatory terms for white people? Honkey? Cracker? Whitey? White Bread Cracker Motherfucker? That's it? A couple different foods and the sound a car makes when you hit the horn are hardly decent terms for defaming an entire race.. We're white, we do plenty of stupid shit.. I think other races need to get on board and start coming up with some better terms for us.. I'm open to suggestions.. The only thing is that once a new term is discovered, only white people can use it when they're talking to their white friends.. 'Cause, you know, that's how it works...

hello, i’m robert redford

So Robert Redford is apparently still getting work, which is nice 'cause I always kinda liked him.. The last movie I remember him being in was Spy Game, which was pretty bad ass, though he was kind of a douche in it... Come to think of it, I'm not sure I ever really did like him.. He's always a bit of a douche.. Hmm.. Well anyway, Big Red is now narrating the Cosmic Collisions show at the Adler Planetarium.. His opening line ("Hello, I'm Robert Redford") is delivered exactly like the Robert Loggia bit in Family Guy.. Quite hilarious.. Then the big collision scene, which had me in stitches... "Will the comet strike the Earth?" *moment of great anticipation* "No..." What the hell? I thought this was called Cosmic Collisions, not Comets That Don't Hit Us... Though it's probably for the best 'cause the two kids I was with were about to crap their pants thinking the world was going to end..

Oh, and yes, you read that right... I went to the planetarium over the weekend... It was fun, got a little dose of education.. For instance, did you know the moon was formed in one month? Yeah, that's exactly what I said.. No fucking way.. But hey, that's why I'm not an astrophysicist.. Or maybe an astrogeologist.. I wonder what your title would have to be in order to be considered someone qualified enough to comment on the length of time it took to create the moon.. And I wonder if you'd have to have enough Star Wars collectibles to make the 40-Year-Old-Virgin green with envy... Probably..

I'm really ill-prepared for the onset of winter, which apparently is right around the corner.. It's getting cold out, it's dark when I wake up and when I get home from work (damn Standard Time!!) and I just feel like hibernating for the winter until daylight savings is back in effect.. Or is it affect? I think effect.. High Lifes or High Lives? The debate continues... Sorry, I digress.. And I'm really tired of seasonal depression.. Winter just puts me in such a shitty mood.. I do enjoy the snow, though.. Maybe I'll go skiing this year.. Or try snowboarding.. Maybe I'll wrap myself around a tree like Sonny Bono hahaha (too soon?).

Speaking of too soon, I heard a hilarious off-the-cuff Obama joke last night:

"It must suck to be president and still get eye-balled when you go into a 7-11" hahahaha I'll skip all the requisite grape soda, Kool-Aid and hot wing jokes.. Those are just too easy..

blog-alicious

I have absolutely nothing to say today.. Actually, that's not true.. Otherwise I wouldn't be here typing this out right now.. And quick side note, the "wouldn't" in the previous sentence is being flagged as a misspelled word.. And yet when i tried to spell "silliness" on my phone, it gave me "pillgoes"... Really? Pillgoes? Wtf does that even mean? Perhaps someone that has a hard time separating words in spoken language could say something along the lines of, "man, that pillgoes down smooth..." i dunno what I'm talking about, nevermind.. ANYWAY....

So funny thing happened today.. Actually, not so much funny as just kinda mind-bogglingly coincidental.. A friend introduced me to "failblog" last night (which is fucking hilarious btw, check it out http://failblog.org/) and we had a few laughs... so this morning, when i finally woke up in a scotch-hangover-stupor (i hurt ever so slightly today), i turn on the news and catch the website spotlight on NBC.. Guess what it is? Yup, Failblog... What the fuck are the chances of that? One night, a friend randomly introduces me to it, and not more than 7 hours later, the news is reinforcing the fact that this website is, indeed, fucking awesome.. Newsworthy, even! Not like there was an election a few days ago and America has its first African-American-President-Elect... That's a mouthful... I'll just say black president to save time.. Is that racist? I don't think so, and I don't mean it to be, so fuck off if you think it is..

And on that note, I'm really starting to come around on Obama. I wasn't really excited about it before, but man, that guy has some charisma.. And my buddy Dan helped open my eyes a little today with his blog (check it out too, good stuff, he's a smart motherfucker: http://danatomic.blogspot.com/)... Basically, his point was that after 8 years of Bush beating fear into us with words like Al-Qaeda, War on Terror, Iraq's WMD's, etc. etc., it's nice to finally have a president that doesn't operate on fear, but rather hope and change. Think about McCain's final days before the election... Anyone else catch his commercial that quoted Biden's radio interview in which he said Obama would be tested by the world? I swear I felt like I was in Nazi Germany around 1940 listening to Hitler go on and on about the evil Jews... McCain was using fear to scare the undecided voters into going with him.. Obama, on the other hand, does a 1/2 hour last ditch effort and mostly talks about how he wants to help the people of this country by doing what the people of this country want.. Hope and change indeed..

And he's already putting good people in place.. His appointment of Emmanuel to Chief of Staff has me chomping at the bits.. Emmanuel is a bad motherfucker who doesn't take anyone's shit... He's about as conservative a Democrat as you can find.. He'll balance Obama out nicely (let's face it, Obama is about as liberal a Democrat as you can get).. So, Obama is not filling his offices with yes-men and other people that will just permanently plant their lips on his ass... He's putting people in there that share similar ideologies but aren't afraid to disagree.. Fantastic!

It'll be an interesting 4 years, seeing how the world reacts to all of this and how the wars play out.. Oh and let's not forget, to everyone reading this: YOU WERE ALIVE AND WILL REMEMBER THE DAY WHEN AMERICA ELECTED ITS FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT!! Embrace it, this was a historical week.

should’ve stayed home today

So today is finally a good day at work.. This past week has really sucked a fat one.. As most of you know by now, I'm fairly easy to get along with, but for whatever reason, these fucking engineers I work with are just a thorn in my side (yes, a thorn the size of a Cadillac, driving through 'cause backing up now would be next to impossible).. In fact, of all the engineers I've met in my life (must be in the neighborhood of 50 or so), there's only about 3 I remember liking... It could be their elitist attitude.. You all know the type.. If it's not an engineer who thinks that their degree somehow imparts the knowledge of the universe on them, it's an egomaniacal boss that, somehow, someway, was able to rise to the levels of mid- to upper-management.. Probably by throwing everyone around him under the bus... I had a boss like that at my last job (Dan can attest to this).

But anyway, I went to this benefit last night... Well, it wasn't so much of a benefit as it was $25 for all you can drink... I took pretty good advantage of it, pounded down a few beers and even a Cabernet! I'm so high-society.. With my High Life camo cans.. HA! There was also some strange Brazilian rum drink there, which was essentially a sweet margarita made with rum... It was good, little sweet for my tastes.. Got home around midnight, jammed a little Larry Arms on the guitar (anyone think I'll get ANOTHER noise violation? fucking neighbors), then crashed out... And now I'm all freaking tired. But I didn't stay up til 2am which is a major accomplishment for me during the week when I'm drinking. A nap is sounding really tempting right now.. But as the title of this blog indicates, I'd be much better off right now if I'd just stayed home and slept in.. Oh well, live and (try to) learn...

Also, there's more videos up.. I think I put the rest of them up on Tuesday, so take a look and a listen.. Funny shit.. Kate claims it's drunken craziness, I say it's good times... Really though, what's the difference? Eric and I are drunk and silly, and now armed with a video camera, so we're just trying to share our good times with you all.

So yeah, nothing really interesting to talk about today. I've got a lot to say about the election, but I'm gonna try a new approach and just keep my political opinions to myself. Apparently they offend a lot of people :) I hope I haven't pissed any of you off with my opinionated diatribes.. I'm actually kinda excited about Obama now; I think the guy has charisma and I really believe he has a genuine interest in making America a better country. I think he'll be an effective President, much more so than the frail old potato-looking guy and the hick from Alaska. Obama's speech in Grant Park was genuinely moving, and he's moved up a few notches in my book. I guess we'll see how the next four years play out.

And if any of you went to the rally, you are freaking crazy! Or brave... Perhaps a well-balanced blend of both? No, probably not... No one I know is balanced hahah That's why I love you all. Good people, each and every one of you...

Ok, for not having anything to say today, I've said a lot.. I guess I'll go work now.. Or play Death Dice (http://www.bored.com/games/play/263/Death-Dice.html).. Check it out, it's fun... Eat as many pills as possible, it makes it much sillier... Hmm, Death Dice = Real Life... hahahahaha Later kids

high lifes (or lives??) and the hilarity that ensues

So for those of you NOT in the loop on the whole Miller High Life camo cans, let me catch you up... They are DELICIOUS!! Long story short, since discovering these about a month ago, we've emptied out my local Dominick's supply and a liquor store in DeKalb! Two stores, two cities.. Is this what rock and roll feels like? Cuz I kinda feel like a rockstar... Anyway, we've obviously been enjoying these immensely, so I was a little sad when I thought our supply was out.. Like a crackhead whose dealer won't even let him blow him for a fix anymore.. And then I found it... Meijer has what appears to be an endless supply of 30 packs of this shit! How awesome is that? We're two 30 packs in now, so I gotta stop by and pick more up on the way home tonight... Perhaps more videos are in our future?

Which leads me to the "hilarity that ensues" portion of this... Fueled by vodka on the first day, but camo cans the next, Eric and I have been feverishly producing top quality (really? top quality? that may be debatable, but there's no arguing they're fucking hilarious) videos for your viewing pleasure. We're attempting to just get some songs recorded, but they're definitely peppered with a chronicling of our inebriation.

So we've got about a dozen or so up now... Sink your teeth in and enjoy. There's about 5 more from last night that I still need to post, so those will probably be up tonight. I hope you all enjoy watching them as much as we enjoyed making them, though that's probably not likely..

Oh, and is the plural of Miller High Life "High Lifes" or "High Lives"? Thank god I have intelligent friends that I can defer to on this one. What would I do with you guys?