It's amazing how one complete idiot of a person can inspire you to announce their existence to the world, but this video from Failblog.com really grinds my gears:
Stupidity Unveiled
What... The... Fuck... How does someone like this get a driver's license? Isn't parking part of the road test? What's worse, there's thousands of drivers like this out on the road every day, making left turns from the right turn lane and other such socially (and legally) unacceptable maneuvers. The best part is when the one dude gets her out of the car and parks it for her in one try.. And she just stands there like, "oh my, parking was just too difficult for me! I couldn't get my tiny ass car in that huge fucking space that's big enough to park a yacht!" This isn't Anal Point, lady.. You've got plenty of room..
And just for good measure, this one cracks me up too:
I Am So Smrt! S-M-R-T!
Yeah, you are such a fucking bad ass dude.. Kudos to you.. How many Mountain Dews do you drink a day? Ever go Extreme Kayaking in a gas station? Oh, wait, I thought you guys were SOOOO extreme that you spelled it "X-Treme"... What's great is this guy is so fucking proud of his dumb shit tattoo.. Oh my god I just want to beat this guy in the face with a 9 iron.. Or any other blunt object.. This is the kind of person that works at John Barleycorn's as a bouncer and is a fucking prick to everyone he sees.. And why? Because he thinks acting tough and being extreme is fucking cool. Ugh.. Everything about this guy pisses me off. He's got his nipple pierced for fuck's sake!! And the star tattoos under his arms? COME ON!! And let's NOT forget those stupid fucking wool hats with the tiny brims.. Can one person's appearance scream "DOUCHE!!" anymore than this guy's? I think not.
And in this gem, another from our friends at Failblog, some little boy is about to have a REALLY bad day with, umm, Superman?? What? I thought Superman was all about justice and peace and all that crap.. Since when did Superman become a scout master?
Superman Gets Saucy
Oh that poor, poor lad.. Could you imagine getting butt raped by the Man of Steel? How incredibly painful.. Unless this kid as a rectum made of kryptonite, I'm pretty sure he's in for a rough night. What a way to turn the tables on evil, butt-raping Superman, though. That would soften him up faster than mental images of a naked Bea Arthur.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
what a weekend part 2
Jesus, took me 3 days to get back to this, but I DID make it back, so I'm feeling good about it.. So anyway, where'd I leave off.. Oh yeah, Saturday morning.. Hungover.. Puking up Mountain Dew.. All caught up? Good..
Ok so anyway, I'm mangled for most of Saturday; I woke up around 9am, but didn't actually get out of bed until about 2pm.. Everything about life hurt Saturday morning.. But around 2pm, we had to force ourselves to get up and get moving. Afterall, St. Pat's celebrations weren't going to wait for us!
We headed down to a friend's house in the city and proceeded to play some ridiculous drinking games (read: I drank ridiculous amounts of alcohol considering my condition earlier in the day). We played Circle of Death with male nudey cards which was only slightly uncomfortable until Michele proposed the Pose Rule, in which everyone had to pose like the dude on their cards.. Needless to say, that led to some funny shit.. I'm sure I have pics somewhere... hahaha
After we got good and tanked we headed out for the bar hopping portion of the night.. For reference, it's only about 9pm at this point.. We went to Glascott's on Halsted, which was an awesome place. Great atmosphere, good people, lots of singing and U2 (which I only really like on St Pat's). I finally got my first Irish Car Bomb of the night there, and I was happy.. Several beers and a Red Headed Slut later, we were off to the next stop: John Barleycorn's..
Now, before I tell you about Barleycorn's, let me preface this by saying I was completely intoxicated at the time, so perhaps my demeanor was not as friendly and cheerful as I remember.. But I'm usually a happy drunk, so I doubt I was being the dick.. You be the judge..
Ok so we get to Barleycorn's after a quick detour in Oz Park (I definitely have pics of that excursion, which will tell the story way better than I ever could). Somehow, someway, we lose a few people in the process. I swear they were right behind us when we went in, but again I was intoxicated, so perhaps not. But anyway, we get in there, head to one end of the bar, and set up shop there while we try to figure out where the missing ones are.. I, in my most gentlemanly fashion, decide that beers are needed while we fret over our lost compadres. So I got over to the bar and try to get the bartenders' attention.. Meanwhile, this dude next to me starts chatting me up in what I remember as a very friendly fashion. This jist of the conversation was "man, who do you have to blow to get a drink around here?" to which I laughed good-naturedly and turned my attention back to the bartenders. Suddenly, this guy is like "hey man, you need to move over." Well, unfortunately this tiny girl was standing right next to me, so I naturally say, "to where man? I'm gonna knock this girl over!" His retort (and I shit you not): "You have two choices: either be cool or get the fuck out of the bar."
It's at this point I notice this guy has a walkie talkie in his hand and I realize he's actually under the employ of Barleycorn's. So, being the pacifist alcoholic that I am, I respond, "dude, we're cool." Well, he obviously didn't think so because he got up in my face.. Kate came to my rescue and told the guy everything's cool, but apparently that didn't work because I'm pretty sure I heard the guy say "your boyfriend's being a dick." Again, you all know me, you've all seen me drunk.. I don't think I've ever been a dick while I'm drunk, but who knows..
So I remove myself from the situation, stroll down to the other end of the bar and get some beers. When the bartender dropped off my tab, I leaned in and said, "hey, you see that guy down there." "Yes," said the barkeep. "Does he work here?" I ask. "Yes." "Oh, well he's a fucking dick." The bartender was a bit surprised I'd be saying this about one of his fellow employees, but honestly, he just kinda laughed and was like "yeah he's had a long day." Which, in retrospect, makes me think that my new bouncer friend was just a fucking prick to everyone that lived. Oh, but I did forget the chick that came up to him later and occupied the same space that he had previously told me to vacate. Did he bitch and tell her to move? Oh no no.. He was all smiles and hugs with her... Fuck that guy..
We didn't stay at Barleycorn's long after that. Our missing friends were still missing, and some new friends joined the group, so we all ventured over to B-Town and hit up Roscoe's. I gotta say, that place is fun as hell. I've gotten hammered there every time, and every time I've had a shit ton of fun. I ordered a pitcher of Miller Lite for a few of us, but I'm pretty sure I drank the whole thing myself. Oh and some guy grabbed my ass. Not like a light pinch, but a full on hand-cup squeeze.. Funny shit..
After Roscoe's, the night pretty much wound down. The lights at the bar came on, which is usually a good indication it's time for bed. Unless you've been blowing rails all night, in which case, the night is still young. We headed home, stopped by Chicago Pizza on the way, and crashed out..
What a freaking weekend. I love St Pat's. And even though I'm Irish, I don't celebrate St Pat's because I'm Irish. Like BK said, I'm not FROM Ireland, so I can't really say I'm Irish or part of the Irish culture. I like St Pat's because it's another reason for me to drink heavily and not look like a completely deranged alcoholic. So there's that..
Later on butt plugs! No work for me tomorrow!! Oh, and Ben Folds show tonight! Woohoo!
Ok so anyway, I'm mangled for most of Saturday; I woke up around 9am, but didn't actually get out of bed until about 2pm.. Everything about life hurt Saturday morning.. But around 2pm, we had to force ourselves to get up and get moving. Afterall, St. Pat's celebrations weren't going to wait for us!
We headed down to a friend's house in the city and proceeded to play some ridiculous drinking games (read: I drank ridiculous amounts of alcohol considering my condition earlier in the day). We played Circle of Death with male nudey cards which was only slightly uncomfortable until Michele proposed the Pose Rule, in which everyone had to pose like the dude on their cards.. Needless to say, that led to some funny shit.. I'm sure I have pics somewhere... hahaha
After we got good and tanked we headed out for the bar hopping portion of the night.. For reference, it's only about 9pm at this point.. We went to Glascott's on Halsted, which was an awesome place. Great atmosphere, good people, lots of singing and U2 (which I only really like on St Pat's). I finally got my first Irish Car Bomb of the night there, and I was happy.. Several beers and a Red Headed Slut later, we were off to the next stop: John Barleycorn's..
Now, before I tell you about Barleycorn's, let me preface this by saying I was completely intoxicated at the time, so perhaps my demeanor was not as friendly and cheerful as I remember.. But I'm usually a happy drunk, so I doubt I was being the dick.. You be the judge..
Ok so we get to Barleycorn's after a quick detour in Oz Park (I definitely have pics of that excursion, which will tell the story way better than I ever could). Somehow, someway, we lose a few people in the process. I swear they were right behind us when we went in, but again I was intoxicated, so perhaps not. But anyway, we get in there, head to one end of the bar, and set up shop there while we try to figure out where the missing ones are.. I, in my most gentlemanly fashion, decide that beers are needed while we fret over our lost compadres. So I got over to the bar and try to get the bartenders' attention.. Meanwhile, this dude next to me starts chatting me up in what I remember as a very friendly fashion. This jist of the conversation was "man, who do you have to blow to get a drink around here?" to which I laughed good-naturedly and turned my attention back to the bartenders. Suddenly, this guy is like "hey man, you need to move over." Well, unfortunately this tiny girl was standing right next to me, so I naturally say, "to where man? I'm gonna knock this girl over!" His retort (and I shit you not): "You have two choices: either be cool or get the fuck out of the bar."
It's at this point I notice this guy has a walkie talkie in his hand and I realize he's actually under the employ of Barleycorn's. So, being the pacifist alcoholic that I am, I respond, "dude, we're cool." Well, he obviously didn't think so because he got up in my face.. Kate came to my rescue and told the guy everything's cool, but apparently that didn't work because I'm pretty sure I heard the guy say "your boyfriend's being a dick." Again, you all know me, you've all seen me drunk.. I don't think I've ever been a dick while I'm drunk, but who knows..
So I remove myself from the situation, stroll down to the other end of the bar and get some beers. When the bartender dropped off my tab, I leaned in and said, "hey, you see that guy down there." "Yes," said the barkeep. "Does he work here?" I ask. "Yes." "Oh, well he's a fucking dick." The bartender was a bit surprised I'd be saying this about one of his fellow employees, but honestly, he just kinda laughed and was like "yeah he's had a long day." Which, in retrospect, makes me think that my new bouncer friend was just a fucking prick to everyone that lived. Oh, but I did forget the chick that came up to him later and occupied the same space that he had previously told me to vacate. Did he bitch and tell her to move? Oh no no.. He was all smiles and hugs with her... Fuck that guy..
We didn't stay at Barleycorn's long after that. Our missing friends were still missing, and some new friends joined the group, so we all ventured over to B-Town and hit up Roscoe's. I gotta say, that place is fun as hell. I've gotten hammered there every time, and every time I've had a shit ton of fun. I ordered a pitcher of Miller Lite for a few of us, but I'm pretty sure I drank the whole thing myself. Oh and some guy grabbed my ass. Not like a light pinch, but a full on hand-cup squeeze.. Funny shit..
After Roscoe's, the night pretty much wound down. The lights at the bar came on, which is usually a good indication it's time for bed. Unless you've been blowing rails all night, in which case, the night is still young. We headed home, stopped by Chicago Pizza on the way, and crashed out..
What a freaking weekend. I love St Pat's. And even though I'm Irish, I don't celebrate St Pat's because I'm Irish. Like BK said, I'm not FROM Ireland, so I can't really say I'm Irish or part of the Irish culture. I like St Pat's because it's another reason for me to drink heavily and not look like a completely deranged alcoholic. So there's that..
Later on butt plugs! No work for me tomorrow!! Oh, and Ben Folds show tonight! Woohoo!
Monday, March 16, 2009
what a weekend part 1
Man, I thought I couldn't reach any higher summits of inebriation than I did last summer. I was wrong. I have reached entire new plateaus, like the highlands of Scotland. I am reaching mountain tops for god's sake. It's actually quite amazing considering my history of being a fucking lightweight when it comes to drinking. But oh no, I have evolved into something entirely new. The great part: I'm a happy drunk, so I don't get all pissed. Though I did get pretty pissed Saturday, but I'll get to that.
So I had Friday off again. My fucking company pisses me off. I do 3 times as much work as I used to with 20% less time to do it in, so I'm constantly fucking stressed at work now. It sucks a lot, but whatever. Today's blog isn't for bitching, it's for spreading the good word. So Thursday I went down to the city to see Watchmen, which was pretty good, but a little long.. It could've been 2 hours instead of 2 hours and 45 minutes and still accomplished just as much. But whatever, all in all it was a pretty good movie and worth a watch. I crash out at my gf's place Thursday and get up with her when she leaves for work on Friday at like 630am. So I get home at about 7, 730ish Friday morning and now I'm basically stuck there until 1pm because fucking Comcast has to send a tech out to fix my cable. Keep in mind my cable has been sucking a butt since the middle of February. So there I am, at home, on a Friday, no work and I'm stuck there waiting for Comcast to show up (oh and they gave me the "some time between 9 and 1" business.. fucking assholes). So I do the only thing a true gentleman would do: I crack a beer and start drinking.
I spent most of the day drinking.. Not too heavily, because I have dinner planned for that evening and, in an attempt to not completely fuck it up, I pace myself during the day. Turned out really good, too. Chicken pot pie. Yum.. Anyway, so my gf and her friend come over and we eat pot pie. And thank god I think ahead, because while I was at the grocery store getting provisions for dinner, I bought a bottle of scotch, a box of wine (hahaha i still laugh when i have a box o' wine in the fridge) and another 12'er.. Yeah, I know, you're all very proud of me. Thank you, thank you. So we're eating dinner, having a few beers.. We crack open the scotch and have a glass or two of that deliciousness. (Mmmm... I can taste the oaky flavors now.. God I need a drink...) Then we decide to head over to the Fox and Hound up in Arlington Heights (I think) and lo and behold, they have green double pints on special! So, naturally, I drink a couple of those. But they were playing really shitty music as most bars these days do.. I'm pretty sure I remember hearing the lyrics "shake it like helen keller" or something along those lines.. It's amazing the bullshit that people listen to.. But anyway, we decide to put on some Cher (not my choice, but since it was pissing off everyone else in the bar, I went along with it) which apparently pissed off management because shortly thereafter the juke box stopped taking requests. Hahaha... Fucking corporate restaurant managers are assholes. Every last one of them.
Wow, I really got to get on with the story here.. I'm only at like 9pm on Friday, and I gotta get through Saturday and Sunday!! Maybe a 2 part blog?? Hmm.. Perhaps.. Anyways.. So we leave the F&H and head to the Where Else bar in Elk Grove. That place is strange.. Very cozy and comfortable, but definitely a townie bar. I saw this one lady that kinda looked like Joanie Lauer, which was creepy.. But I continued my drinking via beers and shots of tequila and car bombs, so I was happy. We left Where Else around midnight or so because we knew we had a long Saturday ahead of us. The next morning, I had a raging headache and ended up puking up the mountain dew i was drinking.. Neon green toilet water is not a pleasant sight, let me tell ya.. So I'm completely hungover, and I have no cure for it.. I stumble over to Meijer to get some pain killers and barely make it back before I puked again.. Needless to say, Saturday morning was VERY rough for me. I wasn't sure if I was even going to make it through that night's festivities (read: St. Patty's celebrating!!).
Ok, I gotta get back to work, so I'm gonna stop here for today. Part 2 tomorrow if I have time...
So I had Friday off again. My fucking company pisses me off. I do 3 times as much work as I used to with 20% less time to do it in, so I'm constantly fucking stressed at work now. It sucks a lot, but whatever. Today's blog isn't for bitching, it's for spreading the good word. So Thursday I went down to the city to see Watchmen, which was pretty good, but a little long.. It could've been 2 hours instead of 2 hours and 45 minutes and still accomplished just as much. But whatever, all in all it was a pretty good movie and worth a watch. I crash out at my gf's place Thursday and get up with her when she leaves for work on Friday at like 630am. So I get home at about 7, 730ish Friday morning and now I'm basically stuck there until 1pm because fucking Comcast has to send a tech out to fix my cable. Keep in mind my cable has been sucking a butt since the middle of February. So there I am, at home, on a Friday, no work and I'm stuck there waiting for Comcast to show up (oh and they gave me the "some time between 9 and 1" business.. fucking assholes). So I do the only thing a true gentleman would do: I crack a beer and start drinking.
I spent most of the day drinking.. Not too heavily, because I have dinner planned for that evening and, in an attempt to not completely fuck it up, I pace myself during the day. Turned out really good, too. Chicken pot pie. Yum.. Anyway, so my gf and her friend come over and we eat pot pie. And thank god I think ahead, because while I was at the grocery store getting provisions for dinner, I bought a bottle of scotch, a box of wine (hahaha i still laugh when i have a box o' wine in the fridge) and another 12'er.. Yeah, I know, you're all very proud of me. Thank you, thank you. So we're eating dinner, having a few beers.. We crack open the scotch and have a glass or two of that deliciousness. (Mmmm... I can taste the oaky flavors now.. God I need a drink...) Then we decide to head over to the Fox and Hound up in Arlington Heights (I think) and lo and behold, they have green double pints on special! So, naturally, I drink a couple of those. But they were playing really shitty music as most bars these days do.. I'm pretty sure I remember hearing the lyrics "shake it like helen keller" or something along those lines.. It's amazing the bullshit that people listen to.. But anyway, we decide to put on some Cher (not my choice, but since it was pissing off everyone else in the bar, I went along with it) which apparently pissed off management because shortly thereafter the juke box stopped taking requests. Hahaha... Fucking corporate restaurant managers are assholes. Every last one of them.
Wow, I really got to get on with the story here.. I'm only at like 9pm on Friday, and I gotta get through Saturday and Sunday!! Maybe a 2 part blog?? Hmm.. Perhaps.. Anyways.. So we leave the F&H and head to the Where Else bar in Elk Grove. That place is strange.. Very cozy and comfortable, but definitely a townie bar. I saw this one lady that kinda looked like Joanie Lauer, which was creepy.. But I continued my drinking via beers and shots of tequila and car bombs, so I was happy. We left Where Else around midnight or so because we knew we had a long Saturday ahead of us. The next morning, I had a raging headache and ended up puking up the mountain dew i was drinking.. Neon green toilet water is not a pleasant sight, let me tell ya.. So I'm completely hungover, and I have no cure for it.. I stumble over to Meijer to get some pain killers and barely make it back before I puked again.. Needless to say, Saturday morning was VERY rough for me. I wasn't sure if I was even going to make it through that night's festivities (read: St. Patty's celebrating!!).
Ok, I gotta get back to work, so I'm gonna stop here for today. Part 2 tomorrow if I have time...
Thursday, March 12, 2009
pet peeves
It's back! After quite a long time, I'm back to blogging.. Well, I can't really say that because this is day one since Feb 12 that I've posted anything, but we can all hope, right? Amiright? Yeah.. So anyway, Ms. Emily gave me the idea to list my pet peeves, so here they are, in no particular order:
1) When people are in the right turn lane and then decide to make a left turn. I understand that you can't always know where you're going, but do you really need to hold up the rest of us because you can't make a decision? Turn right, then bust a U turn when you can you socially inept pricks.
2) People that park their grocery carts in the middle of the aisle while perusing the cornucopia of various Hamburger Helper choices. Why Hamburger Helper, you ask? No reason.. It could apply to any section of the grocery store where there isn't ample room to maneuver around these people. Park your fucking cart off to the side while you take forever to decide.
3) Kids on those wheelie-shoe things.. I swear to fucking Christ, this may be one of the most annoying things in the history of mankind. Way more annoying than Carrot Top's standup, or hearing about Octomom. A long time ago, I decide I would hip check the next kid that skated by me on those, hopefully knocking them into some sort of store display, thus causing a scene. And, if I played my cards right, everyone would just think it's some asshole kid causing trouble. Unfortunately, I haven't seen one of them since I've made this decree, so no kid has yet to get in trouble for fucking up store displays on my account. It's sad, really.
4) As a final nod to grocery store pet peeves, I hate people that hold up the line at the grocery store to debate a 10 cent discrepancy on their receipt. I know times are tough. Shit, I may be without a job or a place to live before long. But I can certainly take a 10 cent hit rather than being a fucking Heeb about it. And if you absolutely must dispute it, go to the fucking Customer Service counter. Why do you think they exist? That is not a cardboard cut out of a Meijer employee behind the counter, you dolt.. I'm sure he/she is more than qualified to right the wrongs that have befallen you.
5) Sometimes, I fart in my office. But it seems like every time I do, someone comes in two seconds later to have a long winded (no pun intended) discussion about some work related bullshit. And, undoubtedly, they must smell my stink. Granted, they aren't all stinky, so I know I've dodged a few bullets like Neo in the Matrix, but man, sometimes I expect a mushroom cloud to come out of my ass. So inevitably, people at my work probably think I smell bad.. Which just isn't true.. Most days, anyway.
6) This next one is mostly due to age, I think. I hate when I'm at any locale that has a bathroom, only to leave said place and have to pee like 5 seconds later. It's always just past the point of no return, too, when you're just far enough away to think "i'll just hold it until the next stop." The worst is when I leave my apartment to visit one of my friends, all of whom live at least 30-40 minutes away. Happens every time.
7) This one is just my own stupidity. Sometimes I have like 800 pockets on my person. Between jeans, hooded sweatshirts and my coat, I have a ton of fucking pockets on me at any given time. The sad part is sometimes, when I'm getting ready to leave, I'll put my keys in my hoodie pocket, then throw my coat on. I then spend the next 30 minutes frantically searching my apartment for my keys, and the aggravation is further compounded by the fact that I'm in a perpetual state of running late.
8) I've touched on this before, but it's annoying enough to mention again. I hate people that use "quote" for "emphasis." Try using bold or italics or LARGE CAPITAL LETTERS... Fuck, use a TRIO OF FONT STYLES TO EMPHASIZE YOUR POINT. But don't use quotes. Quotes don't equal emphasis.
9) Along the same lines, people who have no general concept of the proper use of punctuation really piss me off. To quote (not for emphasis, but for evidence) a coworker's email from this morning:
"Do you want this priced domestically, offshore or both? Please advise on this?
You need a minimum of 400 pieces for your Friday shipment, which means we
need to get 400 to you today. I will also see if we can expedite the daily
200 piece qty's to complete this order ASAP?"
Really? Please advise on this? It's more of a commanding statement, albeit polite with the preceding "please," but the question mark is more out of place than a turd on the kitchen counter. Same with the "...to complete this order ASAP?" You are TELLING that person you are going to do something, not asking them if you are going to do something. Fucking shit. It's not like it was a complex sentence, full of dependent and independent clauses, all structured around a central theme that might be lost to many readers through its sheer complexity, much like this sentence. It was a simple sentence, with a simple directive, and you still fucked it up. Jesus Christ no wonder I hate my job so much.
10) Just for the sake of having an even number of pet peeves, I'll add this to the list: I hate it when people bitch and moan in long winded diatribes, either written or spoken, about all the things that piss them off in life. It's fucking annoying. It's fucking... Oh, wait.. God damn it.. I guess that's the end of this blog.
1) When people are in the right turn lane and then decide to make a left turn. I understand that you can't always know where you're going, but do you really need to hold up the rest of us because you can't make a decision? Turn right, then bust a U turn when you can you socially inept pricks.
2) People that park their grocery carts in the middle of the aisle while perusing the cornucopia of various Hamburger Helper choices. Why Hamburger Helper, you ask? No reason.. It could apply to any section of the grocery store where there isn't ample room to maneuver around these people. Park your fucking cart off to the side while you take forever to decide.
3) Kids on those wheelie-shoe things.. I swear to fucking Christ, this may be one of the most annoying things in the history of mankind. Way more annoying than Carrot Top's standup, or hearing about Octomom. A long time ago, I decide I would hip check the next kid that skated by me on those, hopefully knocking them into some sort of store display, thus causing a scene. And, if I played my cards right, everyone would just think it's some asshole kid causing trouble. Unfortunately, I haven't seen one of them since I've made this decree, so no kid has yet to get in trouble for fucking up store displays on my account. It's sad, really.
4) As a final nod to grocery store pet peeves, I hate people that hold up the line at the grocery store to debate a 10 cent discrepancy on their receipt. I know times are tough. Shit, I may be without a job or a place to live before long. But I can certainly take a 10 cent hit rather than being a fucking Heeb about it. And if you absolutely must dispute it, go to the fucking Customer Service counter. Why do you think they exist? That is not a cardboard cut out of a Meijer employee behind the counter, you dolt.. I'm sure he/she is more than qualified to right the wrongs that have befallen you.
5) Sometimes, I fart in my office. But it seems like every time I do, someone comes in two seconds later to have a long winded (no pun intended) discussion about some work related bullshit. And, undoubtedly, they must smell my stink. Granted, they aren't all stinky, so I know I've dodged a few bullets like Neo in the Matrix, but man, sometimes I expect a mushroom cloud to come out of my ass. So inevitably, people at my work probably think I smell bad.. Which just isn't true.. Most days, anyway.
6) This next one is mostly due to age, I think. I hate when I'm at any locale that has a bathroom, only to leave said place and have to pee like 5 seconds later. It's always just past the point of no return, too, when you're just far enough away to think "i'll just hold it until the next stop." The worst is when I leave my apartment to visit one of my friends, all of whom live at least 30-40 minutes away. Happens every time.
7) This one is just my own stupidity. Sometimes I have like 800 pockets on my person. Between jeans, hooded sweatshirts and my coat, I have a ton of fucking pockets on me at any given time. The sad part is sometimes, when I'm getting ready to leave, I'll put my keys in my hoodie pocket, then throw my coat on. I then spend the next 30 minutes frantically searching my apartment for my keys, and the aggravation is further compounded by the fact that I'm in a perpetual state of running late.
8) I've touched on this before, but it's annoying enough to mention again. I hate people that use "quote" for "emphasis." Try using bold or italics or LARGE CAPITAL LETTERS... Fuck, use a TRIO OF FONT STYLES TO EMPHASIZE YOUR POINT. But don't use quotes. Quotes don't equal emphasis.
9) Along the same lines, people who have no general concept of the proper use of punctuation really piss me off. To quote (not for emphasis, but for evidence) a coworker's email from this morning:
"Do you want this priced domestically, offshore or both? Please advise on this?
You need a minimum of 400 pieces for your Friday shipment, which means we
need to get 400 to you today. I will also see if we can expedite the daily
200 piece qty's to complete this order ASAP?"
Really? Please advise on this? It's more of a commanding statement, albeit polite with the preceding "please," but the question mark is more out of place than a turd on the kitchen counter. Same with the "...to complete this order ASAP?" You are TELLING that person you are going to do something, not asking them if you are going to do something. Fucking shit. It's not like it was a complex sentence, full of dependent and independent clauses, all structured around a central theme that might be lost to many readers through its sheer complexity, much like this sentence. It was a simple sentence, with a simple directive, and you still fucked it up. Jesus Christ no wonder I hate my job so much.
10) Just for the sake of having an even number of pet peeves, I'll add this to the list: I hate it when people bitch and moan in long winded diatribes, either written or spoken, about all the things that piss them off in life. It's fucking annoying. It's fucking... Oh, wait.. God damn it.. I guess that's the end of this blog.
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