it's about damn time

Boy, I've really been slacking on these damn blogs. What was once pure entertainment for myself (and hopefully you guys) is now becoming somewhat of a chore to keep up. It's not so much that I don't want to do these, but I just don't have the fucking time anymore. But, I managed to squeeze about 30 seconds out of my day today to post this, so you better read it and enjoy it! Onwards....

There's some funny shit I've seen on the internet recently, and here's some of it:

Kid Fathers Baby That's a Little Too Close to His Age Group
Full Story Here
Ugh... Really? This fucking kid is 13 and already has a baby? And he thinks he's going to be a devoted and caring father? He has no idea what being a father means. Fuck, I'm 28, I've been around kids for years and years, I have a bunch of friends and relatives that have kids, and I don't know what being a father really means. I don't think anyone does until they actually have kids, and even then I'm willing to bet it takes them 20-some-years to figure it out, if they ever do.

And really, how long do you think before this kid gets tired of having to deal with raising this kid before he tries to throw it in a dumpster or something? I couldn't even take care of a hermit crab at 13 because I didn't have the attention span to feed it regularly. Take this quote from the proud new papa Alfie:

"I didn’t think about how we would afford it. I don’t really get pocket money. My dad sometimes gives me £10."

Great.. So Alfie here is going to raise this kid on £10 that he gets "sometimes"? That's like $15 every once in a while. You can't even maintain a decent smoking/porn/drug habit on an unreliable $15 income. Though porn is pretty much free now (god bless the internet). And this article has a very distinct "aww, how cute is this" tone, like we're looking at a litter of kittens in a wicker basket. No, this isn't cute. This is fucked up and just another example of how fucking backwards and retarded this world really is. Ugh. Enough of this little pecker. I hope he figures it out, but I'm not holding my breath.

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More Stupid Criminals
Here's a random selection of awesome mugshots from TheSmokingGun.com. There's not a single one in this group that I'd be comfortable seeing in any public area without a bright orange jumpsuit and wrist-to-ankle shackles, except maybe the Joker kid:

So this kid shows up at a movie theater, dressed as the Joker, and plans to steal Dark Knight movie posters. 'Nuff said? Yeah, I thought so too.
Nerdy Kid Thinks He's the Joker, Gets Busted

Hmm.. I don't even need to say anything about this guy.. But I will say kudos to whoever beat the shit out of him. He could probably use a few more licks from that billy club. I really hope this guy gets gang raped during his stint in prison.
Ignorant White Trash at Its Finest

And finally, this guy... Here's a tip: if you want to try to look like some bad ass satan worshiper, don't get a fucking bow tie tattoo on your neck. It kinda takes away from your street cred. And really, couldn't he throw a little color in there? Some crimson, perhaps? And what the fuck is he trying to look like? From the side shot, it looks like the tattoo is forming some sort of horn as it goes further back along the side of his head, which would indicate he's going for some sort of demon look. Personally, I think he looks like a fucking idiot.
Insert Clever Linking Headline About White Trash Here

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Here's a good example of how a loving husband would do anything for his spouse. Even if that means dragging her wounded body to a street he knows how to spell:

That has seriously got to be the funniest solution to this problem he could've come up with. "I'll drag her over to Oak St., you can pick her up there." He didn't even ATTEMPT to spell eucalyptus (which, admittedly, is a lot harder to spell than you'd think).. But for fuck's sake, that's his home address! And, I'm sorry, but I have to ask: WHO THE FUCK GETS ATTACKED BY A WARTHOG AT THEIR HOME?? Where are warthogs wandering aimlessly through residential neighborhoods, terrorizing housewives? I didn't think warthogs were even native to the US. Ahh well, he probably mistook the warthog for a potbelly pig or some other relatively harmless, and generally domesticated, animal.

Ok, that's all for today and, if recent history has taught us anything, that's probably all for about a week. Later on dildos!

blog-alicious

I have absolutely nothing to say today.. Actually, that's not true.. Otherwise I wouldn't be here typing this out right now.. And quick side note, the "wouldn't" in the previous sentence is being flagged as a misspelled word.. And yet when i tried to spell "silliness" on my phone, it gave me "pillgoes"... Really? Pillgoes? Wtf does that even mean? Perhaps someone that has a hard time separating words in spoken language could say something along the lines of, "man, that pillgoes down smooth..." i dunno what I'm talking about, nevermind.. ANYWAY....

So funny thing happened today.. Actually, not so much funny as just kinda mind-bogglingly coincidental.. A friend introduced me to "failblog" last night (which is fucking hilarious btw, check it out http://failblog.org/) and we had a few laughs... so this morning, when i finally woke up in a scotch-hangover-stupor (i hurt ever so slightly today), i turn on the news and catch the website spotlight on NBC.. Guess what it is? Yup, Failblog... What the fuck are the chances of that? One night, a friend randomly introduces me to it, and not more than 7 hours later, the news is reinforcing the fact that this website is, indeed, fucking awesome.. Newsworthy, even! Not like there was an election a few days ago and America has its first African-American-President-Elect... That's a mouthful... I'll just say black president to save time.. Is that racist? I don't think so, and I don't mean it to be, so fuck off if you think it is..

And on that note, I'm really starting to come around on Obama. I wasn't really excited about it before, but man, that guy has some charisma.. And my buddy Dan helped open my eyes a little today with his blog (check it out too, good stuff, he's a smart motherfucker: http://danatomic.blogspot.com/)... Basically, his point was that after 8 years of Bush beating fear into us with words like Al-Qaeda, War on Terror, Iraq's WMD's, etc. etc., it's nice to finally have a president that doesn't operate on fear, but rather hope and change. Think about McCain's final days before the election... Anyone else catch his commercial that quoted Biden's radio interview in which he said Obama would be tested by the world? I swear I felt like I was in Nazi Germany around 1940 listening to Hitler go on and on about the evil Jews... McCain was using fear to scare the undecided voters into going with him.. Obama, on the other hand, does a 1/2 hour last ditch effort and mostly talks about how he wants to help the people of this country by doing what the people of this country want.. Hope and change indeed..

And he's already putting good people in place.. His appointment of Emmanuel to Chief of Staff has me chomping at the bits.. Emmanuel is a bad motherfucker who doesn't take anyone's shit... He's about as conservative a Democrat as you can find.. He'll balance Obama out nicely (let's face it, Obama is about as liberal a Democrat as you can get).. So, Obama is not filling his offices with yes-men and other people that will just permanently plant their lips on his ass... He's putting people in there that share similar ideologies but aren't afraid to disagree.. Fantastic!

It'll be an interesting 4 years, seeing how the world reacts to all of this and how the wars play out.. Oh and let's not forget, to everyone reading this: YOU WERE ALIVE AND WILL REMEMBER THE DAY WHEN AMERICA ELECTED ITS FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT!! Embrace it, this was a historical week.