growing old, getting tired

Jesus, getting old sucks.. Granted, at the pace I've been going the past couple months, I think it would've kicked my ass back in college... But now, fuck.. I feel like a geriatric that's up past 7pm on Bingo Night.. Soon I'll be wearing Depends so when I shit myself, it doesn't ruin my pleated slacks that I wear around the house.. God damn getting old sucks.. You know, I take back that whole college comment.. There was a time when I could stay up all night, go to class in the morning, sleep for maybe an hour or two, and repeat... Granted, if I did that a few days in a row, I'd be hallucinating from sleep deprivation, but man would I be partying my ass off..

Now don't get me wrong.. I'm not afraid of getting old... I'm probably not gonna care much when I turn 30.. Everyone makes a huge deal out of it, which I've never understood.. Don't you hate those people that, on your birthday, they ask "do you feel any older?" Yeah, I feel a day older than I did yesterday.. Dumb asses.. My mom asks me that every year.. You'd think she'd, you know, stop asking that since I give her the same answer every year, but she doesn't.. I know she means well and she's just being motherly, so I guess I could not be a dick and just humor her.. Ah well, maybe someday..

You know what's funny? Bartenders... They've gotta be the most outwardly nice, but inwardly evil people I've ever met.. Think about it.. And this is from a guy's perspective, so keep that in mind.. So a couple guys stroll into a bar, and the bartender is some young chick that is decent looking or whatever.. She could be hot.. She's definitely not ugly though.. So when these guys belly up and get her attention, out comes the bright smile and the flirtatious disposition (hence, the outwardly nice part).. So these guys start flirting back, as guys often do, right? Am I right? Of course I am.. You all know it's true, and if you don't, you need to get out more.. Now, this hypothetical bartender chick is flirting up a storm, maybe with one of the guys in particular, maybe with the whole group if she's a slut-tease.. Hmm, does slut-tease even make sense? Fuck it, you know what I mean.. But in the back of her mind, you know that 99% of the time, she's thinking, "God, get a load of these douche bags.." Think about it.. This chick sees hundreds of dudes every day, probably 75-80% of which hit on her, of which maybe .00001% she'd ever consider dating.. And if you don't believe those numbers, I have scientific evidence to support it.. No, I really don't, but it's all hypothetical so just go with it..

I think that's what happened to me last night.. Went out to a bar with a couple buddies, and one of them was flirting with this bartender.. She played along, blah blah blah (outwardly nice, remember?).. But I think she was secretly thinking "what a douche".. And here's why... Me and Eric are drinking scotch all night long.. This other guy, the guy in question, was drinking beers.. The guy in question asks her to serve us up some shots and, being a man's man, asks her for whatever she wants to serve us up (NOTE: NEVER fucking do this, and here's why).. She gives us Tiger Eyes.. Think of Red Hots (the cinnamon candy) with hard alcohol.. Yeah, made me almost hurl too..

So, to leave you with some pearls of wisdom (god knows this blog could use some):

1) Never ask a bartender for a "shot"... Be specific..
2) The hot bartender isn't flirting with you because she wants your cock. She's flirting because she wants your money.. At least 99.999999% of the time.
3) When in Rome...

JOKE OF THE DAY:
A white guy, a jap and a black guy walk into a restaurant. They were very well behaved, paid their bill and left peacefully.

Funny shit, huh? hahaha