A couple weeks ago, swine flu was the talk of the town, so to speak. The head of the WHO (no, not the guy that got busted for kiddie porn) declared two weeks ago that it was an imminent threat of becoming a pandemic. Yesterday, she backtracked and claimed "swine flu would need to become a 'global phenomenon' before it could be declared a pandemic." So far, only about 5 countries have reported cases of swine flu. 87 total deaths. 9800 cases. Boo freaking hoo.. You want a plague? You want a REAL pandemic? Check out these bad boys that, combined, have killed an estimated 100 million people. That's 1/3 of the current US population, or almost all of Mexico.. Groovy, eh?
A PLAGE UPON THEE!!
In other news, I have to poop, so there you have it. Later kids
Friday, May 22, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
am i picking on asians today? you betcha!
All I am going to say is... what... the... fuck... Asians are weird.. This weekend, I was driving through Little Korea in the city and I drove by a shop called "Seoul Video Fishing." I really considered stopping in to see what the hell that was about, but I was in a bit of a hurry so I didn't. It's over on Lawrence Ave though, so I suppose some day I'll have to give myself extra time to check it out. I'm imagining one of several possibilities:
1) It's a blockbuster/bait shop
2) It's filled with videos of the Korean version of Roland Martin
3) It has absolutely nothing to do with Seoul, videos, or fishing, and instead is a front for human trafficking.. you never know... Ever see Big Trouble in Little China? Yeah, that's right.. Better watch yourself.
Here's more evidence of the oddness of Asians:
1) It's a blockbuster/bait shop
2) It's filled with videos of the Korean version of Roland Martin
3) It has absolutely nothing to do with Seoul, videos, or fishing, and instead is a front for human trafficking.. you never know... Ever see Big Trouble in Little China? Yeah, that's right.. Better watch yourself.
Here's more evidence of the oddness of Asians:
Friday, May 8, 2009
matthew mcconaughey is just awful
Good Monday to you all. If you're reading this, you are one of two people: either you're at work and slacking off, or you're at home and slacking off. Either way, you're my favorite type of person: a slacker! So slack on, slacker, and enjoy.
So it was Mother's Day yesterday. I hope you all took your moms out on hot dates and showed them a *cough* good time.. I was going to take my mom to a strip club (with naked chicks, not dudes) but she wasn't really on board with that idea, so we ended up with dinner and a movie. Dinner was fine.. I drank a bunch of beers and she had some wine. And drinking makes most things better, so we had fun. What does Homer say? "Drinking is the cause and solution to many of life's problems." Indeed. But then we went to a movie.
Now, a little backstory. My dad went with us, and he and I wanted to see Star Trek. He's a bigger fan than me, but as I commented in a previous blog, I enjoy the franchise well enough and, frankly, I wanted to see the new movie. I also always enjoy origin movies, though the new X-Men left something to be desired. More on that later. But my mom, who's not a huge Star Trek fan, wasn't too enthused with that idea and instead suggested we see the new Matthew McConaughey abortion Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Yeah, I know, I cringed too when she said it. But, in the spirit of Mother's Day, and the fact that my mom had to pass my giant cranium back in 1980, I decided we'd go see her movie instead.
Let me just tell you it's worse than you could possibly imagine. The basic premise is that this super douche (played, ironic as it may seem, by Matthew McConaughey) missed his one chance at true love and has since been a mega player, banging all sorts of chicks and then leaving them. He's basically got Hugh Hefner's track record and Ben Affleck's doucheness.. Yeah, exactly.. How could any chick be into Ben Affleck.. I know.. Coincidentally, Ben Affleck was dating Jennifer Garner, who plays McConaughey's lost love in this movie.. Maybe Garner is into super douches. Anyway, I digress... So on the eve of his brother's wedding, which, of course, he's completely against, McConaughey is visited by 3 ghosts that take him through the past, present and future of his dating decisions. Sound familiar? Yeah, it's Dickens' A Christmas Carol, only with a not so clever girlfriend twist.
McConaughey reprises the same role he's been playing for years: a clueless womanizing douche that somehow ends up with his shirt off at some point in the movie, a staple in his movies much like John Travolta doing a dance sequence. It's fucking painful. The only laughs I got out of it was when I kept thinking about that scene in Family Guy where Stewie talks to McConaughey and tells him how completely atrocious he is. The only movie I could ever stomach with McConaughey is Dazed and Confused, and I think you could all get on board with that.
Ok, I think I've made my point on Matthew McDouche.. He sucks, the movie sucks, and he needs to quit his acting career. Can you call it acting? Nah.. Stick to smoking joints and playing bongos naked on the beach. Some chicks still think you're hot, so just enjoy it while you can, man..
Moving on to more interesting topics, BK finally gave me something to enjoy in his blog.. Check out Guess Her Muff, a blog dedicated to a guessing game in which you, the reader, look at a fully clothed woman, take a guess at how her muff is trimmed, and then get to see if you're correct. It's actually a lot of fun, though you do end up seeing some pretty rotten looking shit. I imagine it's what being a gynecologist is like.. You know they've GOT to be playing this game in their heads before they dive in, if you'll pardon the expression.
Another fun website I've found is FunnyExam.com. Now, granted, a bunch of these are probably fakes, but damn it some are pretty fucking hilarious. Take this one, a lesson in foreign relations:
I dunno why, but I find that incredibly entertaining. Peruse the rest of the site, there's some real gems on there.
And finally, something I've been meaning to post for a looong time, but in honor of Mother's Day, here's a story of the greatest mom ever:
Loves her son a little TOO much
Happy (post) Mother's Day everyone!
So it was Mother's Day yesterday. I hope you all took your moms out on hot dates and showed them a *cough* good time.. I was going to take my mom to a strip club (with naked chicks, not dudes) but she wasn't really on board with that idea, so we ended up with dinner and a movie. Dinner was fine.. I drank a bunch of beers and she had some wine. And drinking makes most things better, so we had fun. What does Homer say? "Drinking is the cause and solution to many of life's problems." Indeed. But then we went to a movie.
Now, a little backstory. My dad went with us, and he and I wanted to see Star Trek. He's a bigger fan than me, but as I commented in a previous blog, I enjoy the franchise well enough and, frankly, I wanted to see the new movie. I also always enjoy origin movies, though the new X-Men left something to be desired. More on that later. But my mom, who's not a huge Star Trek fan, wasn't too enthused with that idea and instead suggested we see the new Matthew McConaughey abortion Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Yeah, I know, I cringed too when she said it. But, in the spirit of Mother's Day, and the fact that my mom had to pass my giant cranium back in 1980, I decided we'd go see her movie instead.
Let me just tell you it's worse than you could possibly imagine. The basic premise is that this super douche (played, ironic as it may seem, by Matthew McConaughey) missed his one chance at true love and has since been a mega player, banging all sorts of chicks and then leaving them. He's basically got Hugh Hefner's track record and Ben Affleck's doucheness.. Yeah, exactly.. How could any chick be into Ben Affleck.. I know.. Coincidentally, Ben Affleck was dating Jennifer Garner, who plays McConaughey's lost love in this movie.. Maybe Garner is into super douches. Anyway, I digress... So on the eve of his brother's wedding, which, of course, he's completely against, McConaughey is visited by 3 ghosts that take him through the past, present and future of his dating decisions. Sound familiar? Yeah, it's Dickens' A Christmas Carol, only with a not so clever girlfriend twist.
McConaughey reprises the same role he's been playing for years: a clueless womanizing douche that somehow ends up with his shirt off at some point in the movie, a staple in his movies much like John Travolta doing a dance sequence. It's fucking painful. The only laughs I got out of it was when I kept thinking about that scene in Family Guy where Stewie talks to McConaughey and tells him how completely atrocious he is. The only movie I could ever stomach with McConaughey is Dazed and Confused, and I think you could all get on board with that.
Ok, I think I've made my point on Matthew McDouche.. He sucks, the movie sucks, and he needs to quit his acting career. Can you call it acting? Nah.. Stick to smoking joints and playing bongos naked on the beach. Some chicks still think you're hot, so just enjoy it while you can, man..
Moving on to more interesting topics, BK finally gave me something to enjoy in his blog.. Check out Guess Her Muff, a blog dedicated to a guessing game in which you, the reader, look at a fully clothed woman, take a guess at how her muff is trimmed, and then get to see if you're correct. It's actually a lot of fun, though you do end up seeing some pretty rotten looking shit. I imagine it's what being a gynecologist is like.. You know they've GOT to be playing this game in their heads before they dive in, if you'll pardon the expression.
Another fun website I've found is FunnyExam.com. Now, granted, a bunch of these are probably fakes, but damn it some are pretty fucking hilarious. Take this one, a lesson in foreign relations:
I dunno why, but I find that incredibly entertaining. Peruse the rest of the site, there's some real gems on there.
And finally, something I've been meaning to post for a looong time, but in honor of Mother's Day, here's a story of the greatest mom ever:
Loves her son a little TOO much
Happy (post) Mother's Day everyone!
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