i got nothing

I got nothing for you today. Seriously.. I'm so fucking tired right now.. My old roomy Phil was around all last week, which was sweet, cuz that kid is a bad ass. But I pretty much spent all week drinking boxed wine and doing various things around the house, including making some more videos (yeah, Eric, I know I still gotta get them up).

I went bowling for 5 hours on Saturday.. Actually, funny story.. Phil and I are meeting up with Eric to go bowling, and we end up at this fucking dive shit hole bowling alley somewhere in Arlington Heights.. I'm pretty sure that the few windows this place had were protected by bars, and I bet the guy behind the counter had a shotgun.. It kinda reminded me of the bowling alley that Woody Harrelson loses his hand in from Kingpin. Oh well, I digress. So we (me, Phil, Eric and Eric's 2 kids) walk into this place, and we're immediately propositioned by some charitable tutoring program chick.. She says to us, "do you wanna shoot a ball into my bucket?" I mean c'mon, she left herself wide open for any number of dirty comments that could've followed... Turned out she was talking about an actual ball (rather than any of our testes) that we were supposed to toss into an actual bucket (rather than a playful euphemism for her vagina) so we could win a pack of Smarties and listen to her bullshit about some stupid tutoring program that didn't apply to any of us.. I still say she purposefully said that just to get our attention.. Talk about aggressive selling, jesus.. Might as well have offered to blow one of us if we'd sign her sheet.. I wish I had that devotion to my job.. Not that I want to go around blowing people to get business, but I think that shows a very strong enthusiasm for either A) your career choice, or B) the company you work for. Though I guess if you are blowing people BECAUSE it's your business, then it's different.. I wonder if hookers ever get really enthusiastic about their line of work and actually enjoy blowing strange dudes and/or trannies.. I mean, shit, wouldn't you kinda have to be? To stick a strange dick in your mouth? Or do they just block it out like Macaulay Culkin when he visits Michael Jackson for the weekend? Hmm..

But anyway we ended up bowling at some Brunswick over by the track for like 4 or 5 hours.. It's pretty hilarious watching a 3 year old bowl for the first time.. He was so damn hard on himself though.. He'd miss a 7-10 split and be like "DAMN IT!" It was classic shit.

What is up with bowling alley food? Why is everything deep-fried-death? Oh, except the pizza, though I'm sure they deep fry that for good measure.. I swear to god my gut is just destroyed from all that crap, and I ate all that on Saturday.. I'm not suggesting they serve up tapas or fondue, 'cause I think that people who frequent bowling alleys are the wrong demographic, but I think we could find a happy middle ground.. I'm not going to say it wasn't kinda tasty (except the fries that tasted like deep-fried cardboard rolled in some bowler's sweaty cobra), but let's get a little variety going here people!

Oh and I'm officially sticking to beers at bowling alleys.. Apparently if I throw a cocktail order to a bowling alley bartender, a rift forms in the cosmos and creates the purest form of chaos imaginable.. It took about 20 minutes to get 2 White Russians and a Miller Lite.. I mean c'mon.. She spent 10 minutes of that time looking for cream, and after 10 minutes of searching, the best thing she could come up with is French Vanilla creamer from International Delight, and I'm not entirely sure that it was within the expiration date. It was sick, that's really the only point here.. Though the glass of Dewar's later was a nice recovery from it.. Maybe that should be the rule of thumb when ordering drinks at a bowling alley: stick to beer or a single-ingredient-cocktail.. I think even a Capt's and Coke may have blown her mind..

Speaking of blowing people's minds, I just saw the new Bond movie last night.. "Holy freaking shit" and "wow" are the best words I can come up with to describe it.. I was exhausted just watching Daniel Craig mangle the bad guys, and he did his fair share of mangling early in the movie. Within the first, oh, 20-30 minutes, he was in a car chase, a boat chase and a plane chase.. I mean a plane chase, for god's sake.. Who gets into plane chases unless you're, I dunno, Maverick and Goose? Crazy crazy shit. The story line is pretty sweet too, 'cept the googly-eyed-main-bad-guy.. I didn't buy him as a bad ass, and he fought toe-to-toe with Bond for a while.. Well I won't say anymore for fear of spoiling anything.. It's good, go see it.. Even if you don't like the older Bond movies (Pierce Brosnan and prior), the new ones with Craig are more like the Bourne trilogy anyway: more drama, less cheesiness, and more bad-assery.. Yeah, bad-assery.. Chew on that.