dear diary

I realized last night that a lot of my blogs are about shit I'm doing, and shortly thereafter realized that they can't possibly be interesting.. I mean, I don't really do anything... I'm not famous, I'm not a rock and roller (yet), I don't have kids, I don't have AIDS, I'm not black, I don't do cool high dives from 60 feet above the earth into a soup can, I've never milked a cow, and I don't like hockey.. So today, I'm gonna ramble almost aimlessly but with enough direction to NOT divulge what I did last night... Though I did partake in a box of wine, and it was delicious.. Ok, enough of that... If it was a box of Kool-Aid and some wings, then I'd have something, but it wasn't, so I don't.

Black Obama jokes are hilarious.. Really any black jokes are funny. And before you all get up in arms that I'm some sort of racist, back off... I make fun of anything and everything, including myself and my white friends, which I think absolves me from anything derogatory I say about other races... You want equality? Then I get to make fun of everyone equally... Fair's fair bitches... Anyway, yeah black jokes are hilarious.. My old roommate Phil came over last night (this actually is worth mentioning) and was just on fire with the black jokes... Hilarious shit.. They mostly revolved around grape soda, wings, shiny spinning rims, stereo systems that are worth more than the cars they are in, and getting eye-balled at 7-11 as though you might steal something... Good stuff..

You know what black people are on to, though? 40's... I'm not kidding... Except the whole malt liquor thing, 40's are fucking awesome... Though white people tend to refer to them as "tall boys," unless of course you're one of those white people that think they're black.. You know the kind.. Pants around the knees, long white t-shirt that looks like it could cover a twin mattress, a Fubu hat cocked sideways over a white doo-rag... What a douche.. I mean really, you're white... Why would you purposefully want to downgrade? But I digress... Next time you're in the market for booze, try a tall boy.. Or two.. They will treat you right I promise.. And if worse comes to worst, you'll have a giant bottle you can jam up your butt if you're into that kinda thing.. Have a phone handy.. You may be calling 911 before long..

Back to the whole race-being-funny thing, why aren't there good derogatory terms for white people? Honkey? Cracker? Whitey? White Bread Cracker Motherfucker? That's it? A couple different foods and the sound a car makes when you hit the horn are hardly decent terms for defaming an entire race.. We're white, we do plenty of stupid shit.. I think other races need to get on board and start coming up with some better terms for us.. I'm open to suggestions.. The only thing is that once a new term is discovered, only white people can use it when they're talking to their white friends.. 'Cause, you know, that's how it works...