driving through marshmallow fluff

Welcome to the 9th Circle of Hell! Was that the cold, icy circle in Dante's Inferno? I can never remember.. It doesn't really matter, the point is it's fucking cold and shitty.. Anyway, it's not so much cold outside, but this snow is fucking nuts.. Unfortunately, it's that wet, icy snow that just makes everything wet and nasty, rather than that lighter, fluffier snow that you can mold into snowballs that are stronger than the titanium they use on the space shuttles and pelt people with them... Or go skiing on, whichever you prefer.. Me, I'm an asshole, so I'd prefer to cause injury.. hahaha jk jk

This morning started off pretty shitty.. Amazingly, I was able to get all this shit off of my car with little incident, so I thought things were looking up.. Then I hit up the starbucks on the way to work... Dicks... Then, the two main roads that make up 80% of my commute are covered in this slushy, shitty, sticky, slippery, sucky fucking shit that meteorologists refer to as a "Wintery Mix." Sounds cute and fluffy, right? WRONG! Apparently a "wintery mix" is code for "you're fucked! enjoy your commutes assholes!" Have you ever had that marshmallow fluff shit they sell in jars at the grocery store? Imagine if a giant tanker of that spilled out on the road and no one cleaned it up... Yeah, it's like driving through that..

And of course, as usual, work sucks my balls... Not in the cool way that will eventually make me spurt, but in the uncomfortable way that makes my balls and shaft regress into my body, making me look not unlike a chick or a post-op tranny.. Like in HS, if you ever got a beej from a chick with braces.. Dangerous games.. Or the one time I actually did zip up my cock a little in my jeans zipper... It wasn't at all like "There's Something About Mary" where one nut was hanging out on top of a little fleshy section of dong.. But let me tell you, it fucking hurt like hell.. I think I just grazed it too, cuz there was no broken skin or bleeding or anything like that, but my god I can't imagine the pain if it were any worse.. It's weird how funny that scene was in the movie, yet how tragically unfunny it is when it actually happened to me... But I bet a few of you got a laugh out of it... Hmm, it's all about perspective..