kids say the darndest things

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Wow, what an awesome world we live in.. Whoever took that stick is a fucking asshole. Nothing like shitting on the dreams and joys of childhood to make your own life seem decent. That's like running up to a kid sitting on Santa's lap and being like, "he's not real!" as you rip the impostor's beard off. Or maybe getting a kid an Iron Man lunch box and taking a shit in it. I mean really, what kind of prick do you have to be to take some kid's souvenir hockey stick after the Winter Classic? How much you wanna bet that's already made its way through eBay? Then again, maybe the guy is a big hockey fan and now that kid's souvenir is his trophy..

I like to shit on kids' dreams, though, I'll be honest.. Maybe I'm an asshole too.. Like when a kid says "I wanna be an astronaut when I grow up," I just want to respond with, "well that's stupid.. why don't you sell women's shoes or something you'll actually be good at." Best to set the bar low early, that way they're never disappointed.

And why is it that kids are NEVER fucking satisfied? You could give some kid a robot that does their homework, plays kickball with him, and even listens to their bullshit stories... But the second that kid sees some other kid playing with, I dunno, boogers, he's instantly like "i don't want a robot, i want boogers!!"

If you know anyone that has kids, and you hate them (the parents), buy the kid a toy that doesn't automatically shut off and makes the most atrocious sounds ever.. Seriously, it works... And here's why.. Kids are drawn to obnoxious sounds similar to bugs drawn to light, so there will be an instant infatuation on the kid's part with said toy... Now, here's the best part... It's not so much that the kid wants to play with the toy that makes noise, he just wants to hear the fucking thing make a bunch of noise.. He could turn the thing on, go two floors away, and if you turn it off, he'll come back in, turn it on again, then leave..

Bah, I don't know where I'm going with this.. Fuck kids.. Oh, wait, not like that.. Umm, nevermind..