"C" you in hell

crop dusting: This is only hilarious because one day, my buddy eric and I were at a bar and having a legitimate discussion about actual crop dusting.. You know, biplanes, guys in scarves and other 1950's pilot gear, dangerous chemicals spilling out of the bottom of the plane.. No, seriously, we were actually talking about this.. Why, I have no idea, but it's not the point.. Anyway, so we're talking about crop dusting, and the bartender overhears the words "crop dusting" and immediately gets involved with this gem: "Crop dusting? Like when you're walking by someone and you fart?" No joke.. I nearly died laughing.. Eric says, "no, like actual crop dusting.. you know, biplanes, guys in scarves and other 1950's pilot...." You get the idea.. Crop dusting.. Funny shit.. Strangely enough, like many of you, the bartender didn't believe we were talking about actual crop dusting..

cunt: Sorry to all the ladies that just got all upset when they read that, but hear me out.. There's really two facets to this.. One is the literal definition which, and I gotta agree with Louis CK here, is really inappropriate.. I mean really, cunt is such a nasty word, it should never be associated with something so kick ass (for those of you who are lost, I'm talking about vaginas).. On the other side, when used as a sort of synonym for bitch, I think it's highly effective.. It's the aural equivalent of taking a cheese grater to the face; kinda like listening to Bob Dylan sing.. But it's gotta be used sparingly, so go with "bitch," you know, unless someone's being a real cunt.

cow pie: Sounds tasty, doesn't it? Cows = beef, pie = delicious treat... Oh no, stay away from cow pies.. You were led very astray if someone once told you it was an actual beef pie.. God help you if you believed them and ate it.

Caligula: Cool name, kinda lame emperor.. Really, what did he do? Brought the obelisk to St. Peter's Square? Wooooo.. Apparently he nearly died early on because he was banging too many chicks (and probably dudes, you know how those Romans rolled) and drinking too much, so he's got that going for him.. He also portrayed himself as a god, so he was pretty full of himself too.. I once tried that.. Got a bunch of idiots in white robes to drink poisoned fruit punch.. Suckers.. I made up some bullshit about a comet that we needed to catch that would take us to heaven.. People are stupid.

Chris: It's my name, and considering my hugely inflated ego, I figured it had to make the list..

cuckold: Basically a fancy word for a husband whose wife is cheating on him. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe there's a certain connotation of husband-pussery involved.. Like the husband knows it's going on, he knows he's a cuckold, but he just kinda accepts it as his lot in life.. Technically speaking, there's usually a kid involved (ie the cheating wife's 3rd party's kid) that the cuckold is raising.. Personally, if my wife was fucking around and i knew about it, there'd be no passivity on my part.. I certainly wouldn't be raising that cheating whore's kid from another man.. But hey, I'm not one to be walked all over, so there it is.

chillax: Ok, I fucking hate this word.. This goes back to the whole "blog" thing (see yesterday's "B" post).. It also reminds me of words such as "Crunk" (crazy-drunk) or those stupid celebrity couple nicknames (the original Bennifer, TomKat [real fucking clever media, i fucking hate all of you for that one] and Brangelina [this one doesn't even sound clever, so i hate you more now]). Do we really have to invent new words by mashing two other words together? You're not clever, you're an idiot.. Next person that tells me to "chillax" is gonna get a foot in their ass.. Fuck..

Ok, I'm all worked up now.. Gonna go take it out on some unsuspecting passersby.