pet peeves

It's back! After quite a long time, I'm back to blogging.. Well, I can't really say that because this is day one since Feb 12 that I've posted anything, but we can all hope, right? Amiright? Yeah.. So anyway, Ms. Emily gave me the idea to list my pet peeves, so here they are, in no particular order:

1) When people are in the right turn lane and then decide to make a left turn. I understand that you can't always know where you're going, but do you really need to hold up the rest of us because you can't make a decision? Turn right, then bust a U turn when you can you socially inept pricks.

2) People that park their grocery carts in the middle of the aisle while perusing the cornucopia of various Hamburger Helper choices. Why Hamburger Helper, you ask? No reason.. It could apply to any section of the grocery store where there isn't ample room to maneuver around these people. Park your fucking cart off to the side while you take forever to decide.

3) Kids on those wheelie-shoe things.. I swear to fucking Christ, this may be one of the most annoying things in the history of mankind. Way more annoying than Carrot Top's standup, or hearing about Octomom. A long time ago, I decide I would hip check the next kid that skated by me on those, hopefully knocking them into some sort of store display, thus causing a scene. And, if I played my cards right, everyone would just think it's some asshole kid causing trouble. Unfortunately, I haven't seen one of them since I've made this decree, so no kid has yet to get in trouble for fucking up store displays on my account. It's sad, really.

4) As a final nod to grocery store pet peeves, I hate people that hold up the line at the grocery store to debate a 10 cent discrepancy on their receipt. I know times are tough. Shit, I may be without a job or a place to live before long. But I can certainly take a 10 cent hit rather than being a fucking Heeb about it. And if you absolutely must dispute it, go to the fucking Customer Service counter. Why do you think they exist? That is not a cardboard cut out of a Meijer employee behind the counter, you dolt.. I'm sure he/she is more than qualified to right the wrongs that have befallen you.

5) Sometimes, I fart in my office. But it seems like every time I do, someone comes in two seconds later to have a long winded (no pun intended) discussion about some work related bullshit. And, undoubtedly, they must smell my stink. Granted, they aren't all stinky, so I know I've dodged a few bullets like Neo in the Matrix, but man, sometimes I expect a mushroom cloud to come out of my ass. So inevitably, people at my work probably think I smell bad.. Which just isn't true.. Most days, anyway.

6) This next one is mostly due to age, I think. I hate when I'm at any locale that has a bathroom, only to leave said place and have to pee like 5 seconds later. It's always just past the point of no return, too, when you're just far enough away to think "i'll just hold it until the next stop." The worst is when I leave my apartment to visit one of my friends, all of whom live at least 30-40 minutes away. Happens every time.

7) This one is just my own stupidity. Sometimes I have like 800 pockets on my person. Between jeans, hooded sweatshirts and my coat, I have a ton of fucking pockets on me at any given time. The sad part is sometimes, when I'm getting ready to leave, I'll put my keys in my hoodie pocket, then throw my coat on. I then spend the next 30 minutes frantically searching my apartment for my keys, and the aggravation is further compounded by the fact that I'm in a perpetual state of running late.

8) I've touched on this before, but it's annoying enough to mention again. I hate people that use "quote" for "emphasis." Try using bold or italics or LARGE CAPITAL LETTERS... Fuck, use a TRIO OF FONT STYLES TO EMPHASIZE YOUR POINT. But don't use quotes. Quotes don't equal emphasis.

9) Along the same lines, people who have no general concept of the proper use of punctuation really piss me off. To quote (not for emphasis, but for evidence) a coworker's email from this morning:
"Do you want this priced domestically, offshore or both? Please advise on this?

You need a minimum of 400 pieces for your Friday shipment, which means we
need to get 400 to you today. I will also see if we can expedite the daily
200 piece qty's to complete this order ASAP?"

Really? Please advise on this? It's more of a commanding statement, albeit polite with the preceding "please," but the question mark is more out of place than a turd on the kitchen counter. Same with the "...to complete this order ASAP?" You are TELLING that person you are going to do something, not asking them if you are going to do something. Fucking shit. It's not like it was a complex sentence, full of dependent and independent clauses, all structured around a central theme that might be lost to many readers through its sheer complexity, much like this sentence. It was a simple sentence, with a simple directive, and you still fucked it up. Jesus Christ no wonder I hate my job so much.

10) Just for the sake of having an even number of pet peeves, I'll add this to the list: I hate it when people bitch and moan in long winded diatribes, either written or spoken, about all the things that piss them off in life. It's fucking annoying. It's fucking... Oh, wait.. God damn it.. I guess that's the end of this blog.