happy new year

Yet another year has passed us by and I find myself wondering where the time is going. It seems like every year goes by faster than the previous; perhaps one day I will wake up with shit in my pants and realize that I'm 80 years old.. I certainly hope not, and I'm certainly not excited about that prospect, despite my affinity for good poop jokes.

Each year, around this time, there's a certain tradition correlating January 1st to the need to resolve to be better people (or worse, I guess, depending where you take this whole New Year's resolutions thing).. I don't remember the last year I resolved to do anything, but I've got a few this year. 2008 was a really kick ass year for me, despite it starting off in the sewers (not literally, I am not a ninja turtle), and I expect 2009 to be even better.. I'm coming into this year at full speed; my New Year's Eve celebration is certainly indicative of that.. Some highlights of that evening:

1) Riding the L: ok, I have a whole new outlook on public transportation after that evening. There's a certain comeraderie that develops with your fellow passengers that you simply can't find anywhere else.. Impressively, one guy was actually able to name the kind of beer I was drinking just by seeing the top inch or so of the bottle that was hidden so cleverly in a paper bag... It's water officer, I swear! But we made some friends on the train that night; some people even remembered us on the return trip.. Whether that's good or not is open for debate..

2) The Lawrence Arms: as always, these guys don't disappoint.. Though I think BK was a little too drunk to be his usual hilarious self, but he played awesome. And Chris sang well! Oh, and the opening bands didn't suck! Great show all around..

3) Falling down Kate's stairs: I fell down her stairs, mangled myself, yet came away unscathed! Take that, god! Brad, on the other hand, fucked his wrist up something fierce. Good luck man! Save some meds for me hahaha

4) Slam dancing like a kid: I danced, I yelled, I sang... And yet the next day I miraculously felt ok...

5) Screwdrivers on New Years Day: to the bartender at Dave & Buster's, shame on you, but thanks for the free drinks! Screwdrivers may be my new favorite hangover cure.. Bloody Marys can still suck a dick.. Not to mention the Douche Crew that came into the bar; we considered sending them a round of shirley temples, but they were in too much of a hurry to go play Dance Dance Revolution..

6) Beckins breaking my thingy: no, she didn't break my weiner... She knows what this is about.. hahaha Beckins, just kidding :) I'm just givin' ya shit

7) Not dying/going to jail/going to hospital/babysitting: all fairly self-explanatory.. Though a nite in the drunk tank could've been interesting... Hmm..

8) The Belmont transfer: Guinness at a random bar, tallboys in paperbags from the neighboring liquor store, harrassing the liquor store employee, and listening to some crack head talk about the Winter Classic and telling his "bitch to shut up"...

9) Punching that kid in the face: it was a complete accident, but he was cool about it.. Props to you bud

So yeah, NYE was fun as hell.. Only thing missing was Kate.. She was out like a light when we got back.. Oh well, there's always next year..

Hope you all had as much fun as we did! Happy 2009!

the weekend cure-all

So Friday was one of the roughest days I've had in a while.. I'm pretty sure I seriously considered jumping in front of a freight train on numerous occasions.. I guess it could've been worse.. I suppose someone I know could've called me to tell me they have some terminal illness or something awful like that... But no, it was just a god-awful, shitty fucking day.. Nothing like an awesome weekend to turn things around!

Friday night I got fucked up and threw snowballs at teddy bears, cars and Eric's walls.. We set fire to a doll.. We played single-shot-nerf-gun-spin-and-shoot... Oh and we broke through a flimsy kid's easle, and Eric's buddy thinks he broke his hand.. I say impossible because that thing was like punching through wet cardboard.. Shit Eric and I went for 4 layers at some point, like fucking Chuck Norris. Did you know Chuck Norris doesn't throw up, he throws down? True story... Anyway, there's a bunch of hilarious videos up now of this eventful evening, check out them out here:

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.channel&channelID=408764405

Saturday I spent with Kate's family.. Talk about immersion! haha It was great though, ate a shit ton of awesome food (that stuffing was the shizzle), drank a bunch of beers and had a bunch of laughs.. Her grandma threatened me with a knife at one point, and her aunt yelled at me because she thought I was talking about Bloomington, not Bloomingdale... Hilarious shit.. I was just trying to get directions to the highway, next thing I know I'm being scolded.. hahahaha well yeah, that's my life.. Try to do one thing, get yelled at about something almost unrelated.. hahaha good times..

Oh and last night we got drunk again, down in the city... Got scolded by some gay bartender about ordering Irish Car Bombs.. Apparently they had just had some meeting and decided they'd no longer serve them... Yet Kate was able to get a Jager Bomb AND a Miller Lite????!!! Yeah, that makes sense.. So the rest of us were like, "Ok, let's have 4 Guinneses, 4 shots of Jameson, and 4 shots of Bailey's..." But the bartender was on to our scheme... Damn him... But seriously, if you're going to serve one person a Jager bomb and a beer at the same time, surely you can deal up some Car Bombs there, barkeep.. Ahh well, I had a Guinness instead and it was good..

Oh man on the way back we stopped at the Des Plaines Oasis, because apparently eric and i are getting old and frequently have to pee.. I wonder if I should invest in some FloMax.. Anyway, so we go to McDonald's, and this guy is bitching up a storm about how it took 5 minutes to get his coffee.. I mean he's throwing a genuine temper tantrum.. What a little bitch that guy was.. I think we were both really close to saying something, but he just shuffled out in a pissy huff..

Ok this blog is retarded.. No poop stories.. Oh jesus, speaking of poop... I gotta go!!