somone really needs to explain this to me

I've thought about this before, but never received a satisfactory explanation... Perhaps my evil crew of superior intellects (and that's you, dear readers) can help me out here... This came up yesterday at lunch with Eric, and he's on board with me, so he was no help hahaha

How is a career as a porn star any different than prostitution? Seriously, are they really that different? Let's look at the similarities:

Porn Stars: get paid to have sex
Prostitutes: get paid to have sex
Porn Stars: have a "manager" (basically a pimp getting her fuck-gigs)
Prostitutes: have a "pimp" (basically a manager getting her fuck-gigs)
Porn Stars: have co-stars they like to perform with
Prostitutes: have regular Johns they like to perform with ("like" may be too strong a word here)
Porn Stars: get tested regularly for STDs
Prostitutes: get tested regularly for STDs, at least in countries where it's legal and regulated

So I ask, how is porn different than prostitution? Why is porn legal and prostitution not? I'm not suggesting we criminalize pornography... Far from it, I'm an avid fan of the internet for a few reasons, and one of the top three is free internet porn.. And I'm not necessarily suggesting we decriminalize prostitution.. This isn't Europe after all; Americans are prudes.. I was just mulling this over and hoping one of you could offer a decent explanation..

So Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and no this isn't a rehash of my "I'm Thankful For" list... I'm just excited.. Gonna meet Eric's special lady friend, Kate's coming over at some point, the boys are cooking (we've got a fucking awesome menu to cook up), we're chilling at my place so we can be loud and rowdy on Thanksgiving.. Good times! We're making turkey, stuffing, cheesy mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, sweet potatoes and cranberry sauce.. Oh and rolls, cuz you have to have rolls on Thanksgiving.. I'm pretty sure some long-bearded Jew scribed it into a stone way back in the day, right after "Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbors Possessions." It's the 11th Commandment: "Thou Shalt Have Rolls on Thanksgiving".. And yes, I know the time line doesn't make any sense.. Moses was a time-traveler.. Didn't you know that? Silly geese.. Fucking Charlton Heston... Bet he got his share of prostitutes.. He was a gun-guy after all...

Well that's it.. Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I'll try to keep the blogs coming tomorrow and Friday as usual, but I'm not promising anything!

NEW DEVELOPMENT (thanks Eric!!):
http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/08/12/colb.pornography/index.html

Ok, check this article out about Prostitution vs. Porn... Hilarious... Some of my favorite excerpts (excerpts in italics, responses follow):

"Most distributors of pornography would express shock at the prospect of being prosecuted for promoting prostitution. Under Miller v. California, as long as a work, taken as a whole, has "serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value," the First Amendment protects its distribution. Given this legal principle, how could pornography be criminal, in the way that prostitution is?"

Really?? How is "Hot Tits and Black Cocks 9" considered serious literally, artistically, politically or scientifically valuable? Maybe that Pirates of the Caribbean spoof because that at least had some acting and production value..

What this means is that the people who have sex for the camera are actors, and acting -- unlike drug-dealing or prostitution -- is part of what falls within the protection of the First Amendment.

Are porn stars really considered actors? Seriously? What about the chick in the Slam Van? Boy, what a rough day she had.. Her life's struggles really show through, especially in that scene where the guy is smashing her face into the window while he's pounding her... C'mon.... Again, I may make a concession on higher quality productions, again like the Pirates movie, because they at least put forth some effort to weave a story, even if it is the most ridiculous thing ever.. Most porn though, let's face it, is about the Bang Bang, the spurt, and the credits..

It's almost certain that on its current precedents, the U.S. Supreme Court would hold that garden-variety pornographic actors are indeed engaged in First-Amendment-protected activity, so long as obscenity is not involved.

This is maybe my favorite part... "So long as obscenity is not involved." Ok, US Supreme Court justices, let's think about this one... IT'S A FUCKING PORNO!! OF COURSE THERE IS OBSCENITY!! Pull your fucking heads out of your asses.. Again, I'm all for porn, god knows I've looked at my fair share over the years, but I don't sit there and pretend it's not obsene.. Guys slapping their cocks on chicks's tits and spooging on their faces is obscene, I don't care how liberal you think you are.

Ok that's the end of this one. Have a happy Thanksgiving! hahahaha (what a strange way to end that discussion)

angrily shaking my fist at everyone i see

Yeah, it's another shitty day.. Oh well, it's a short week, I suppose I should just get over it and move on. Maybe I'll leave early today! Sweet...

So I'm fucked on Friday... I get to work for 4 hours the day after Thanksgiving! Wheee!!! How kick ass is that? Yeah, it isn't at all.. Oh, and the cherry on top: I have to be at work at 6am!! Hooray for me! Hooray for holidays! Fuck... I'm quickly growing tired of covering for people I work with, especially when I know they wouldn't do the same for me.. I don't know why I do it.. It's not some desire to impress my bosses, because I could give two shits what they think if I don't want to work on a holiday... It's not some self-motivation thing, because we ALL know I am not a very motivated person, especially lately when it comes to work.. It's not the pay, because I'm quite sure I'm not gonna get any more money for those 4 hours.. Maybe I'm a self-loathing masochist.. That's really the only logical explanation for my work habits.. Luckily, it only seems to be in my professional life, because I have pretty healthy relationships with friends and family.. I only let work torture me... So I guess that's something.. I should do something about that.. Maybe tomorrow..

Slept on the couch again last night.. I really wonder why I do that.. My bed is comfortable as hell, yet whenever I'm home alone, I tend to just sleep on the couch like I'm at a camp-out.. There's something comforting about it, yet something incredibly lonely about it.. Like some 50-year-old bachelor that passes out in an armchair watching infomercials every night because he has no one.. Fuck I hope I don't end up like that.. I guess I have a ways to go, and considering I'm only 28 (yes, Kate, I'm an old man, I know hahaha) I guess I shouldn't worry about it too much right now.. But fuck, if I end up like that, I'm gonna be pissed.. Gotta keep an eye on that situation...

Oh, on a lighter side note, I found quite possibly the greatest game ever last night:
http://www.bored.com/games/play/344/Hobo.html.

You really should check it out, it's funny as hell.. It's like Double Dragon (the old bad ass NES version, not those cheap knockoffs on SNES), but it's this nasty ass hobo that has the greatest special moves in the world... He poops, pukes, blows snot rockets, farts, and all other great bodily functions.. Truly classless, truly timeless.. So enjoy.. Maybe I'll play for a little bit to get my mind off of this pinnacle of shitty work days.. Yeah, I think I will..

big farts hurt my butt

I was gonna write something about the farts I'm experiencing this morning, but I'm willing to bet most of you would be grossed out by it.. Suffice to say they are quite pungent today.. Stayed up until 3 or 4am last night snacking on a bunch of crap and now I'm all torn up.. Dunno why I stayed up late, there was no good reason for it.. Just didn't feel like sleeping.. I should've, cuz I'm tired as hell now, but fuck it.. Hindsight is 20/20, right?

So Thanksgiving is right around the corner.. Anyone have any big plans? Thanksgiving is kick ass.. You can gorge yourself on some of the dankest food you'll eat all year and no one will think less of you.. Ahh, sweet sweet gluttony.. You know, there's always been this weird tradition (if you can even call it a tradition) that on Thanksgiving, women are supposed to cook and men are supposed to sit around watching football.. Now I'm not gonna get all Fem Nazi Women's Lib on you, cuz god knows I think they're an inferior species (hahah jk jk), but I say that's bullshit.. Guys, if you can cook, get off your ass and help out.. Or shit, cook the meal yourself.. Chicks dig guys that can cook, and learning your way around a cooking device that doesn't involve propane or charcoal isn't a bad idea.. It doesn't make you any less of a man to know how to use an oven.. And really, do you need to watch the Lions play on Thanksgiving? Spoiler alert: they're gonna fucking lose!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving (probably should hold off until at least Wednesday for this discussion, but oh well, I've gone too far), what are you all thankful for? Here's what I'm thankful for, in no particular order:

friends: the only real reason I'm still in Illinois
family: even though they piss me off on a regular basis, still gotta love 'em
Eric: for being the best friend a guy could ask for.. totally not gay for you bro
Dan: for being Dan.. and that's a great thing.. you're awesome dude, and I am totally gay for you.. I hate you?
Kate: what can I say, she's a super awesome chick.. though a bit argumentative hahaha jk (i'm not kidding) :)
boobs: seriously, who doesn't like them? even some straight chicks like playing with them
booze: mostly cuz it kinda rhymes with boobs, but also because it is a good thing, so screw you feminists of the 1920's!
bars: because they generally contain three things on my list: friends, boobs and booze.. though i've been to a few bars lately that have been a bit short on the boobs hahaha
work: as much as I bitch about it, I've got a pretty sweet job.. there's a compliment hidden somewhere in that last statement.. it's like Waldo, you just gotta look for it
Family Guy: ahh, the laughter...
Internet: porn, the Blog of Hilarity, myspace, google, videos of people getting punched in the nuts... all good things, all just a click away...
free shit: really anything that's free is good.. like samples when you're walking through a grocery store.. or the change bums hand you in their Styrofoam cups... oh, i'm supposed to GIVE them money, not TAKE it?? well wtf!! no wonder they get so pissed... well fuck them for using styrofoam cups.. carbon footprints indeed.. stupid jerks
Cyanide and Happiness: they make fun of Jesus, cancer, chi-mos.. everything about this is great

Ok guess it's time to go back to work.. *sigh* i'm sleepy.. 2-3 hours of sleep last night... fuck