Boy, I've really been slacking on these damn blogs. What was once pure entertainment for myself (and hopefully you guys) is now becoming somewhat of a chore to keep up. It's not so much that I don't want to do these, but I just don't have the fucking time anymore. But, I managed to squeeze about 30 seconds out of my day today to post this, so you better read it and enjoy it! Onwards....
There's some funny shit I've seen on the internet recently, and here's some of it:
Kid Fathers Baby That's a Little Too Close to His Age Group
Full Story Here
Ugh... Really? This fucking kid is 13 and already has a baby? And he thinks he's going to be a devoted and caring father? He has no idea what being a father means. Fuck, I'm 28, I've been around kids for years and years, I have a bunch of friends and relatives that have kids, and I don't know what being a father really means. I don't think anyone does until they actually have kids, and even then I'm willing to bet it takes them 20-some-years to figure it out, if they ever do.
And really, how long do you think before this kid gets tired of having to deal with raising this kid before he tries to throw it in a dumpster or something? I couldn't even take care of a hermit crab at 13 because I didn't have the attention span to feed it regularly. Take this quote from the proud new papa Alfie:
"I didn’t think about how we would afford it. I don’t really get pocket money. My dad sometimes gives me £10."
Great.. So Alfie here is going to raise this kid on £10 that he gets "sometimes"? That's like $15 every once in a while. You can't even maintain a decent smoking/porn/drug habit on an unreliable $15 income. Though porn is pretty much free now (god bless the internet). And this article has a very distinct "aww, how cute is this" tone, like we're looking at a litter of kittens in a wicker basket. No, this isn't cute. This is fucked up and just another example of how fucking backwards and retarded this world really is. Ugh. Enough of this little pecker. I hope he figures it out, but I'm not holding my breath.
More Stupid Criminals
Here's a random selection of awesome mugshots from TheSmokingGun.com. There's not a single one in this group that I'd be comfortable seeing in any public area without a bright orange jumpsuit and wrist-to-ankle shackles, except maybe the Joker kid:
So this kid shows up at a movie theater, dressed as the Joker, and plans to steal Dark Knight movie posters. 'Nuff said? Yeah, I thought so too.
Nerdy Kid Thinks He's the Joker, Gets Busted
Hmm.. I don't even need to say anything about this guy.. But I will say kudos to whoever beat the shit out of him. He could probably use a few more licks from that billy club. I really hope this guy gets gang raped during his stint in prison.
Ignorant White Trash at Its Finest
And finally, this guy... Here's a tip: if you want to try to look like some bad ass satan worshiper, don't get a fucking bow tie tattoo on your neck. It kinda takes away from your street cred. And really, couldn't he throw a little color in there? Some crimson, perhaps? And what the fuck is he trying to look like? From the side shot, it looks like the tattoo is forming some sort of horn as it goes further back along the side of his head, which would indicate he's going for some sort of demon look. Personally, I think he looks like a fucking idiot.
Insert Clever Linking Headline About White Trash Here
Here's a good example of how a loving husband would do anything for his spouse. Even if that means dragging her wounded body to a street he knows how to spell:
That has seriously got to be the funniest solution to this problem he could've come up with. "I'll drag her over to Oak St., you can pick her up there." He didn't even ATTEMPT to spell eucalyptus (which, admittedly, is a lot harder to spell than you'd think).. But for fuck's sake, that's his home address! And, I'm sorry, but I have to ask: WHO THE FUCK GETS ATTACKED BY A WARTHOG AT THEIR HOME?? Where are warthogs wandering aimlessly through residential neighborhoods, terrorizing housewives? I didn't think warthogs were even native to the US. Ahh well, he probably mistook the warthog for a potbelly pig or some other relatively harmless, and generally domesticated, animal.
Ok, that's all for today and, if recent history has taught us anything, that's probably all for about a week. Later on dildos!
Showing posts with label stupidity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stupidity. Show all posts
Thursday, February 12, 2009
welcome to the future of America
Bitch makes babies, gets money
You know, I'm all for helping people in need. But some people, well they just don't deserve any assistance at all. Take this bitch in California, for instance. This lady is already on welfare with 6 kids.. So what does she do? She spends some of her assistance money on in vitro fertilization and PRESTO! she pops out 8 more kids. And the wonderful taxpayers in California get to pay for this bitch's 14 kids! Hooray for government assistance!
Read full story here
Now, I'm all for helping people that really need help. In this failing economy, a lot of good, hard-working people are going to get fucked right out of their jobs, and that sucks. But this fucking bitch is just leeching off of the system. There's a million things I could say about this, but I'm going to shorten this up with a quick list:
1) Take these kids away from her. And before everyone starts bitching up a storm that a mother has rights, fuck that. Not in this case. She doesn't deserve these kids, she's single, she can't afford the 6 kids she already has, she's a burden on society, and I guarantee that those kids aren't exactly going to have a great life growing up. Oh, but she's going to school for her Master's in the fall... Yeah, right.. With 14 kids in tow? Good fucking luck.
2) Stop the cycle!! Sterilize this lady! I'm sorry, but the general public is full of stupid people that just exploit the system and get free handouts every chance they get. Welfare wasn't meant to allow people to be social parasites; it's meant to help people that fall on hard times. Unfortunately, too many people found out that if they just fall on hard weiners, they can pop out a couple kids and get some more money from the government. Kudos..
3) So she set up a donation fund for her and the kids? Hmm.. I swear to god if I ever meet someone that gives money to this bitch, I will kill them where they stand. 'Nuff said..
Apparently Sea Cows Can't Levitate
From Failblog comes this gem about how not knowing your own capabilities can be simultaneously dangerous and hilarious:
Ahh, good times. It's not like he even floated for a second or two and then settled gently to the ground.. Oh no, this guy fucking full-on flopped down to the floor. Really, people, if you're going to go on a nationally televised talent competition, have a fucking talent! Like this guy could probably get into motivational speaking and be fantastic at it. He's certainly got the presence, and his angle could be "hey, you could be me!".. Motivational speakers are weird like that; they always have some sort of gimmick that they hinge their entire talk on.. Like in high school, we had a guy come in that had no arms. He opened his talk by cracking open a pepsi can and drinking it with his feet. Which made me feel awesome because I have arms and don't have to cruise around the country opening shit with my feet like some kind of freak show. Didn't really motivate me though. Except to try opening shit with my feet.. You know, just in case..
Proof that idiots are susceptible to trickery
There's this British magician/mindreader/psychologist guy named Derren Brown who, apparently, is super famous in the UK for mind-fucking people. Well, I guess he's decided to take his act to the U.S. and take us all completely unawares. Now I highly recommend watching a few of his videos on Youtube just to get a better grasp on what this guy is all about, but this one in particular really reveals everything:
Check out the video here
Wow.. Imagine that.. Dumb-ass strippers are duped by a half-way decent looking British guy. Stop the press! Will the wonders never cease? Now, if you dissect this situation, as well as ones from the other videos, you'll notice a pattern: he targets morons. Wow.. Amazing. He's a regular David Blane. He uses the power of suggestion on people that are completely susceptible to mental trickery. Good for him. There's a few other funny videos (funny in the sense that it's all pretty obvious what's going on and it almost makes you wonder how much of it is set up), including one where he hits on models, one where he gets payouts on losing tickets at the dog track and one where he uses blank paper as currency. All have the same common theme: idiots. Amiright?
You know, I'm all for helping people in need. But some people, well they just don't deserve any assistance at all. Take this bitch in California, for instance. This lady is already on welfare with 6 kids.. So what does she do? She spends some of her assistance money on in vitro fertilization and PRESTO! she pops out 8 more kids. And the wonderful taxpayers in California get to pay for this bitch's 14 kids! Hooray for government assistance!
Read full story here
Now, I'm all for helping people that really need help. In this failing economy, a lot of good, hard-working people are going to get fucked right out of their jobs, and that sucks. But this fucking bitch is just leeching off of the system. There's a million things I could say about this, but I'm going to shorten this up with a quick list:
1) Take these kids away from her. And before everyone starts bitching up a storm that a mother has rights, fuck that. Not in this case. She doesn't deserve these kids, she's single, she can't afford the 6 kids she already has, she's a burden on society, and I guarantee that those kids aren't exactly going to have a great life growing up. Oh, but she's going to school for her Master's in the fall... Yeah, right.. With 14 kids in tow? Good fucking luck.
2) Stop the cycle!! Sterilize this lady! I'm sorry, but the general public is full of stupid people that just exploit the system and get free handouts every chance they get. Welfare wasn't meant to allow people to be social parasites; it's meant to help people that fall on hard times. Unfortunately, too many people found out that if they just fall on hard weiners, they can pop out a couple kids and get some more money from the government. Kudos..
3) So she set up a donation fund for her and the kids? Hmm.. I swear to god if I ever meet someone that gives money to this bitch, I will kill them where they stand. 'Nuff said..
Apparently Sea Cows Can't Levitate
From Failblog comes this gem about how not knowing your own capabilities can be simultaneously dangerous and hilarious:
Ahh, good times. It's not like he even floated for a second or two and then settled gently to the ground.. Oh no, this guy fucking full-on flopped down to the floor. Really, people, if you're going to go on a nationally televised talent competition, have a fucking talent! Like this guy could probably get into motivational speaking and be fantastic at it. He's certainly got the presence, and his angle could be "hey, you could be me!".. Motivational speakers are weird like that; they always have some sort of gimmick that they hinge their entire talk on.. Like in high school, we had a guy come in that had no arms. He opened his talk by cracking open a pepsi can and drinking it with his feet. Which made me feel awesome because I have arms and don't have to cruise around the country opening shit with my feet like some kind of freak show. Didn't really motivate me though. Except to try opening shit with my feet.. You know, just in case..
Proof that idiots are susceptible to trickery
There's this British magician/mindreader/psychologist guy named Derren Brown who, apparently, is super famous in the UK for mind-fucking people. Well, I guess he's decided to take his act to the U.S. and take us all completely unawares. Now I highly recommend watching a few of his videos on Youtube just to get a better grasp on what this guy is all about, but this one in particular really reveals everything:
Check out the video here
Wow.. Imagine that.. Dumb-ass strippers are duped by a half-way decent looking British guy. Stop the press! Will the wonders never cease? Now, if you dissect this situation, as well as ones from the other videos, you'll notice a pattern: he targets morons. Wow.. Amazing. He's a regular David Blane. He uses the power of suggestion on people that are completely susceptible to mental trickery. Good for him. There's a few other funny videos (funny in the sense that it's all pretty obvious what's going on and it almost makes you wonder how much of it is set up), including one where he hits on models, one where he gets payouts on losing tickets at the dog track and one where he uses blank paper as currency. All have the same common theme: idiots. Amiright?
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
this blog takes an unexpected turn
Let's get it out of the way right now; I'm suspending the alphabet blogs for a little while. Shit, with how little I've been posting, some of you probably thought the blog was dead forever.. But, I've gotten bitched at by a few people for not writing, so I'm here, now, in a terribly shitty foul mood, and doing it because I love you guys. Thanks for the support. Ok, no more mushy crap, on with the show!
Well, I may have turned over a new leaf, so to speak: I spent a good chunk of yesterday perusing CNN.COM, reading all sorts of weird shit about Obama, international tensions (read that as Israel vs. Gaza, showdown bitches!!), and various takes on the economic crisis that, according to just about everyone EXCEPT Obama, is about to take a turn for the we're-all-fucked... I read about a few murders and stupid criminals, and the theory of 12/21/2012... And that's when it hit me.. There's PLENTY of great topics that I could wax wise about for hours and hours.. Hell, I couldn't make half of these stories up.. Mostly because I'm not an entirely creative person, but also because some of this shit is just unbelievable.. Some of my favorite stories of the day:
Apocalypse in 2012? Date spawns theories, film
Ok, so this is funny shit, right? I mean, anyone that thinks the world is going to end because the Mayan calendar does not extend past the Gregorian calendar's equivalent of 12/21/2012 (some scholars say 12/23/2012, but does that really matter?) has got to be the most retarded person in the world. And there's plenty of great websites with theories of what's going to happen. One guy claims a mysterious, unknown "comet planet" is going to hit earth on that day, obviously wiping us all out. Yeah, you read that right.. An UNKNOWN "comet planet".. First of all, if it's unknown, then how the fuck can you reasonably speculate that A) it exists, and B) it's going to hit us... Secondly, aren't "comet" and "planet" two words that have absolutely no business being jammed together? I wonder if this is like the whole "a square can be a rectangle but a rectangle can never be a square" idea.. Comets pass in and out of solar systems; planets do not.. Planets have a very distinct orbit around the sun; to my knowledge, comets do not..
But I digress from the meat of this story: THE END OF THE WORLD!! Armageddon!! I was serious about having a party to usher in the end, so 12/21/2012, party at my house! And if 12/21/2012 passes and we remain, well we'll be fucked up and still having a good time, so all the better! Y2K came and went without incident, even though banks were allegedly going to freak out and take over our lives, and planes were going to plummet to the ground, and dinosaurs were going to eat small babies.. 6/6/06 came and went without incident, even though the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse were supposed to rise from the ashes of the devil's ass and eat pork products on a Friday.. Fuck, I don't know what was allegedly supposed to happen, but I know a ton of people out there all had their own theories about the shit storm that was going to hit, and guess what?? Nothing happened.. Another day passed into history, that's it.. And all of those doom-sayers had to find a new date to glom onto and spread the paranoia.
Outrage halts launch of 'Caylee Sunshine' doll
So this guy is a pretty sick fucker, right? For those of you who don't know the Caylee case, this little girl went missing for a while and no one knew where she was. Well, they recently found her body, buried and wrapped in a Winnie the Pooh blanket and duct tape, with a sticker heart on the tape.. Fantastic.. And the mom has been in custody since the girl's disappearance, so they figure she did it.. But this guy, this fucking blood sucking son of a bitch, decides it would be a good idea to make a doll based on this girl and, in an even sicker twist, designed the doll to sing "You Are My Sunshine," which Caylee sang in one of the last videos from when she was alive.. Oh, but forgive me, I forgot he's giving a "substantial" part of the proceeds to charity.. How much? Oh, he can't say.. Which charity? Well, he can't say.. What the fuck is wrong with this world...
Ok, that was fun. Have a great Hump Day everyone! Go get yourselves laid!
Well, I may have turned over a new leaf, so to speak: I spent a good chunk of yesterday perusing CNN.COM, reading all sorts of weird shit about Obama, international tensions (read that as Israel vs. Gaza, showdown bitches!!), and various takes on the economic crisis that, according to just about everyone EXCEPT Obama, is about to take a turn for the we're-all-fucked... I read about a few murders and stupid criminals, and the theory of 12/21/2012... And that's when it hit me.. There's PLENTY of great topics that I could wax wise about for hours and hours.. Hell, I couldn't make half of these stories up.. Mostly because I'm not an entirely creative person, but also because some of this shit is just unbelievable.. Some of my favorite stories of the day:
Apocalypse in 2012? Date spawns theories, film
Ok, so this is funny shit, right? I mean, anyone that thinks the world is going to end because the Mayan calendar does not extend past the Gregorian calendar's equivalent of 12/21/2012 (some scholars say 12/23/2012, but does that really matter?) has got to be the most retarded person in the world. And there's plenty of great websites with theories of what's going to happen. One guy claims a mysterious, unknown "comet planet" is going to hit earth on that day, obviously wiping us all out. Yeah, you read that right.. An UNKNOWN "comet planet".. First of all, if it's unknown, then how the fuck can you reasonably speculate that A) it exists, and B) it's going to hit us... Secondly, aren't "comet" and "planet" two words that have absolutely no business being jammed together? I wonder if this is like the whole "a square can be a rectangle but a rectangle can never be a square" idea.. Comets pass in and out of solar systems; planets do not.. Planets have a very distinct orbit around the sun; to my knowledge, comets do not..
But I digress from the meat of this story: THE END OF THE WORLD!! Armageddon!! I was serious about having a party to usher in the end, so 12/21/2012, party at my house! And if 12/21/2012 passes and we remain, well we'll be fucked up and still having a good time, so all the better! Y2K came and went without incident, even though banks were allegedly going to freak out and take over our lives, and planes were going to plummet to the ground, and dinosaurs were going to eat small babies.. 6/6/06 came and went without incident, even though the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse were supposed to rise from the ashes of the devil's ass and eat pork products on a Friday.. Fuck, I don't know what was allegedly supposed to happen, but I know a ton of people out there all had their own theories about the shit storm that was going to hit, and guess what?? Nothing happened.. Another day passed into history, that's it.. And all of those doom-sayers had to find a new date to glom onto and spread the paranoia.
Outrage halts launch of 'Caylee Sunshine' doll
So this guy is a pretty sick fucker, right? For those of you who don't know the Caylee case, this little girl went missing for a while and no one knew where she was. Well, they recently found her body, buried and wrapped in a Winnie the Pooh blanket and duct tape, with a sticker heart on the tape.. Fantastic.. And the mom has been in custody since the girl's disappearance, so they figure she did it.. But this guy, this fucking blood sucking son of a bitch, decides it would be a good idea to make a doll based on this girl and, in an even sicker twist, designed the doll to sing "You Are My Sunshine," which Caylee sang in one of the last videos from when she was alive.. Oh, but forgive me, I forgot he's giving a "substantial" part of the proceeds to charity.. How much? Oh, he can't say.. Which charity? Well, he can't say.. What the fuck is wrong with this world...
Ok, that was fun. Have a great Hump Day everyone! Go get yourselves laid!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
i need my cranberry juice
Ok, the purpose of this blog is for me to just vent, which means I'm just going to bitch and moan about random things. Yes, perhaps I'm on the rag, and I could probably use a cranberry juice... It's a natural diuretic after all.
I'm getting so fucking sick of the stupidity that seems to be more and more prevalent in today's society. It's disgusting how some people just meander through life and expect others to pick up their slack. I'm fucking tired of being one of the few that picks up the slack. I'm tired of busting my ass and then getting pissed on by the same motherfuckers that are causing me to have to bust my ass. I'm tired of constantly fighting the same fucking assholes over and over and over until I'm blue in the face (or red, as the case usually is).
I'm tired of people playing the race card. I'm angry that I can't discipline someone of a different skin color without being accused of racism... Should I just discipline white people then? Is that not racism? I think it's hilarious that people use their skin color as an excuse when it suits their needs but then expect the rest of us to be colorblind. I think it's funny that the BET still exists. I think it's funny that the same people who purport to promote equality among the races are the same fucking people who are perpetuating racism in this country (Jesse Jackson, I'm looking directly at you). Fuck you. This is the 21st century... Nobody gives a shit about race anymore except you.
I'm tired of parents that raise kids with this utopic (yes I know it's not a word, but too bad) view of the world. There are winners and there are losers. Shitty people get things they don't deserve, and good people get shit on. This is life. Get used to it. The weird thing is that while parents are trying to protect their kids' feelings (don't want little Johnny to lose a teeball game, that would just be awful), we are exposing them to shit they just aren't ready to see. I'm sorry, kids shouldn't be watching Family Guy. It's an ADULT cartoon. But we keep reinforcing the idea that kids can do whatever the fuck they want without consequence, and it's wrong. Then we sit there and wonder why society is turning to shit. Gee, I fucking wonder... My favorite example of this is a 7-year-old kid in Massachusettes (I think) that was told he couldn't pitch for his little league team because he was "too good." Are you fucking kidding me? Are sports really meant to make everyone feel all warm and special? Or are they meant to teach kids teamwork and sportsmanship (which is really just about mutual respect)? Why must every kid be awarded a trophy? You lost, you don't get anything. A teacher friend of mine was telling me about a game she played in her classroom. One team won, and got some candy. The other team lost, they didn't get anything. One girl from the losing team raised her hand and actually asked, "what, don't we get anything?" For losing? Are you serious? I wish I was awarded for being a loser. I'd quit my job, start doing insane amounts of drugs, become a complete degenerate and a drain on society.. Maybe then society would reward me for all my "hardwork"... Wait a sec, isn't that the Britney Spears story? Fuck, it's happening already...
Ok, I'm done now. Thanks to all who read this and agree. Fuck you if you don't (hahaha jk, feel free disagree). In fact, I'd almost prefer someone to disagree so I can have another intelligent conversation. As Eric put it, "I feel like I'm hallucinating from intellectual overstimulation."
A special thanks to all of you that make me think.
I'm getting so fucking sick of the stupidity that seems to be more and more prevalent in today's society. It's disgusting how some people just meander through life and expect others to pick up their slack. I'm fucking tired of being one of the few that picks up the slack. I'm tired of busting my ass and then getting pissed on by the same motherfuckers that are causing me to have to bust my ass. I'm tired of constantly fighting the same fucking assholes over and over and over until I'm blue in the face (or red, as the case usually is).
I'm tired of people playing the race card. I'm angry that I can't discipline someone of a different skin color without being accused of racism... Should I just discipline white people then? Is that not racism? I think it's hilarious that people use their skin color as an excuse when it suits their needs but then expect the rest of us to be colorblind. I think it's funny that the BET still exists. I think it's funny that the same people who purport to promote equality among the races are the same fucking people who are perpetuating racism in this country (Jesse Jackson, I'm looking directly at you). Fuck you. This is the 21st century... Nobody gives a shit about race anymore except you.
I'm tired of parents that raise kids with this utopic (yes I know it's not a word, but too bad) view of the world. There are winners and there are losers. Shitty people get things they don't deserve, and good people get shit on. This is life. Get used to it. The weird thing is that while parents are trying to protect their kids' feelings (don't want little Johnny to lose a teeball game, that would just be awful), we are exposing them to shit they just aren't ready to see. I'm sorry, kids shouldn't be watching Family Guy. It's an ADULT cartoon. But we keep reinforcing the idea that kids can do whatever the fuck they want without consequence, and it's wrong. Then we sit there and wonder why society is turning to shit. Gee, I fucking wonder... My favorite example of this is a 7-year-old kid in Massachusettes (I think) that was told he couldn't pitch for his little league team because he was "too good." Are you fucking kidding me? Are sports really meant to make everyone feel all warm and special? Or are they meant to teach kids teamwork and sportsmanship (which is really just about mutual respect)? Why must every kid be awarded a trophy? You lost, you don't get anything. A teacher friend of mine was telling me about a game she played in her classroom. One team won, and got some candy. The other team lost, they didn't get anything. One girl from the losing team raised her hand and actually asked, "what, don't we get anything?" For losing? Are you serious? I wish I was awarded for being a loser. I'd quit my job, start doing insane amounts of drugs, become a complete degenerate and a drain on society.. Maybe then society would reward me for all my "hardwork"... Wait a sec, isn't that the Britney Spears story? Fuck, it's happening already...
Ok, I'm done now. Thanks to all who read this and agree. Fuck you if you don't (hahaha jk, feel free disagree). In fact, I'd almost prefer someone to disagree so I can have another intelligent conversation. As Eric put it, "I feel like I'm hallucinating from intellectual overstimulation."
A special thanks to all of you that make me think.
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